My fiance and I have been together 5 years, we also live together. He works in flooring, and makes great money. I am a dental assistant, and soon to be registered nurse. In November 2016 he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and lymphatic cancer.
I don’t want to sound overly confident, but the health field is my thing, I know a lot about it, and I read tons daily, and I have a pretty good understanding about the human body, anatomy and physiology. Ever since I decided to go back to school to become a RN, I felt my fiance started getting intimidated by my knowledge. Several things I have explained to him about his thyroid cancer, way before his Endocrinologist did. He didn’t listen to me, and when he’d come home from appointments he would basically repeat what I had already told him. He has made comments that I need to stop using all this “fancy terminology” because “its annoying.” It hurts my feelings because in NO shape or form have I EVER intended to make him feel less intelligent!
Is it my fault I have a lot of knowledge about health and now in school I am learning more? He flipped on me today, and said, “I don’t give any crap about your fancy terminology, and your health knowledge, nurses are too over paid, and will never have the knowledge of a doctor, I make more money than a nurse who did a four year degree, and I didn’t even need a degree for what I do. So please stop with this fancy medical terminology of yours, and stop trying to make me feel less just because you go to school now and are learning all these new words……”
I have never ever purposely made him feel any less, about anything, I can’t help if I am learning things and I apply it to explain something to him. Shouldn’t my fiance build me up and be proud of me for gaining all this knowledge instead of making it ALL about HIM? He’s putting me down for my intelligence and making it seem like I do it on PURPOSE to make him feel dumb, when that was NEVER the case. Why would he make me feel PUT down? I have never bragged about the money I’ll be making, and it has never been a topic. At the end of the conversation, he said “go to school for 4 years or 10 years I don’t care, I will ALWAYS make more money than any nurse out there….” why is he so intimidated? I am so hurt. Help.
One thought on ““My fiance thinks I’m putting him down””
Maybe he can’t deal with the illness and maybe it’s time for you to take a break from this relationship so he can deal with one thing at a time. He can’t hold down this relationship, that’s for sure and you shouldn’t be bothering him with anything extra, even if you are trying to help him.
It did cross a line and your feelings are valid. You were trying to help and for him to insult your intelligence and career is not right. He obviously doesn’t see your help as helping and he’s not willing to listen and honestly can’t shoulder the burden. He might just want a few minutes of quiet listening to his issues instead of you helping. Consider this a red flag, but also consider his feelings.
Talk to him to see what he honestly needs instead of trying to solve his problems. What he honestly might need however, is to not have to deal with your relationship at this time. Only you two can decide that.