“How do I tell my Christian mom that I want to live with my boyfriend?

I grew up as a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian, and I was always taught that you were supposed to get married before having sex or moving in with a significant other. This was my plan for a long time, but it became unrealistic, and I met the man of my dreams and the guy I plan to marry, and those things changed a bit. (He is a baptist Christian.)

To make a long story short, I’m still a Christian and still a Seventh-Day Adventist, I just view some things in different ways. Well, I have to move out of my college dorm during the beginning of May, and I want to get an apartment with my boyfriend (of almost a year) and another couple. I am also certain that this is what I plan to do, but I don’t know how to tell my mom. (I will tell my father eventually, but I care more of my mom’s opinion.)

I mentioned to her the idea of getting an apartment (didn’t mention boyfriend), and she said that she was okay with it, but only for the summer, because living off campus during the school year will make doing school work and going to class harder.

Well, my mom likes my boyfriend. Actually, both of my parents do, and almost every time they come to visit me, my boyfriend is in my dorm (he basically lives here), and although we have never discussed his always being here, I’m sure they’ve noticed it. We’ve (my parents and I) also never discussed that he and I are having sex, but I’m sure they’ve also assumed that, because of how often and late he’s here, and because he’s a tad bit older than me.

My mom and I are very close, almost like best friends, but because she is so strongly a Christian & Adventist, this is hard for me. There are some things that help my case: 1) My mom is changing her life and basically separating from dad, so she’s not in a permanent place. She moves around a bit, so it would be difficult for me to live with her. 2) My dad isn’t an option for reasons I don’t want to give, but they’d both agree living with him isn’t an option, and he lives in a different state. 3) I am going to be a student at 2 colleges next semester (August), so kind of like dual enrollment, and because I’m not a full-time student at either school, I can’t live in the dorms at either school.

Also, my parents pay about 400 for my schooling a semester, but when I move off campus, financial aid will give me a refund, and I will be able to take care of that 400 on my own. They also give me about 50 dollars a month, but it isn’t consistent and I don’t rely on it.

How do I tell my mom I want to move in with my boyfriend? Or do I not tell her and just let her think I’m living with the other couple (which I am) and not my boyfriend, and just hide his things when she comes to see me/tell her he’s just visiting me (she doesn’t live far)?

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2 thoughts on ““How do I tell my Christian mom that I want to live with my boyfriend?

  1. Anonymous says:

    I never advocate lieing.

    You are a adult who can make adult decisions, HOWEVER, if your parents are paying for ANYTHING then you need to start paying for it yourself before you move in with your boyfriend. This will be good in two ways. One showing your parents you are a grown adult who can and will handle issues when they come. Two, giving you more confidence to make your choices without their approval.

    I know this will be hard, but putting up boundaries is important for a healthy relationship with both of your parents.

    After you have done this then consider moving in with your boyfriend and have at least two to three months rent money stashed away in case you break up and need to move out. You won’t be able to break a lease and not pay for it unless there was something important broken in the apartment that you can prove they won’t fix. Keep a list of when you called and what it was broken just in case. Plenty of places love to do that to college kids who don’t know their rights.

    Also, you can work and make good grades. I had a 3.8 average and worked a full time, and several part times. I was one of seven kids so there wasn’t money for college or anything else when I left for college. I had three scholarships, but that wasn’t enough. Check with your college’s financial office to find out your options and you may need to fill out a FAFSA and pell grant stuff.

    Good luck!

  2. arcticiris says:

    As a fellow Christian, I highly encourage you not to move in with your boyfriend. God seeks your obedience and if you decide to go ahead and do it, you risk disobeying him in terms of sexual immortality. Living within the same space will create an environment of sexual tension as you will be so close to each other, but unable to do anything. The probability of committing sexual immoral acts would increase the longer you lived with each other. Your sex drive is 100% natural and more likely than not, you will fail to abstain yourselves. However, if you believe is is truly the man for you, get married!

    NASB 1 Cor 7:9 says “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

    It doesn’t require a humongous celebration, not yet at least. Marriage can be completed by going to the justice of peace. The wedding celebration can happen later when there is time and funds for it.

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