About 2 years ago I developed a crush on this girl, I was walking about by myself trying to clear my head one night and thought about asking her out when I ended up seeing her with her boyfriend. Only just realising she had a boyfriend, she waved and gestured me to come over but I just continued walking and then started to cry.
For a while after I took walks pretty often by myself to think, and I always somehow ended up seeing her with her boyfriend, as if the universe is trying to tell me she has a boyfriend. After that I convinced myself we could just be friends, I ended up meeting her boyfriend and we honestly have loads in common and he’s my best friend now.
We hung out as a group for over a year and me and her were really close friends too, but I have borderline personality disorder so I have pushed her away with my mood swings and attachment issues lately and she won’t talk to me anymore.
Even though she is still a part of my life, her boyfriend is still my best friend and I’m friends with more of her friends. She is a part of the friend group I always hang out with so I basically get left out of everything now because she’s always there too. I love her and it still hurts but I know he loves her just as much. I really don’t feel like there is any solution to this.
Any help would be much appreciated, I’ve made a real mess of everything.