“My husband was texting another woman”

My husband and I have been together for 10 years ( 5 years married.)  For the most part we are happy and we have 2 handsome boys. Sunday I was going through his phone and he had this weird flirtatious conversation with a male friend I didn’t know he was talking to. Long story short, it was actually a female ( he put it under a male name so I wouldn’t notice) and they work together.

Looking through phone records they don’t text each other everyday, but he has erased all their messages. He swears that all the conversations before have been innocent and they were only joking in the messages I saw, and that he doesn’t have feelings for this girl and I have nothing to worry about. He said the only reason he changed the name and erased the messages was because he didn’t want me to get mad. He says he’s really sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me and he swears there is nothing going on.

But everything I feel for him has been shattered. Just thinking about him makes me mad. I really just want to end this relationship! I honestly don’t know why I should stay besides our 2 boys. He didn’t do anything physical and he said they didn’t talk that much. He won’t admit to being attracted to her either. I honestly don’t know what he would have done, had I not found out. I just feel so lost because he really is my best friend and now I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable with asking for advice. What would you do if you were in my situation?

3 thoughts on ““My husband was texting another woman”

  1. Enjoying the Journey with Harper says:

    YIKES!!! I’m sorry to hear about this! I understand how tough it can be seeing how he is your best friend. Many may see this as no big deal. But to me trust is EVERYTHING! No matter how great or small, there should be an open and honest exchange. My husband and I don’t have relationships with the opposite sex, outside of couple’s exchanges. But we don’t desire those relationships either. If this was purely innocent, there should be no element of disguise. What is he hiding? Unfortunately, just because you found out, doesn’t mean he will end his communication. He may just find another hidden method. You all should address the root of their relationship. What is the basis if this? Why is it necessary? Set clear expectations of what you want his behavior to look like going forward and give him a chance to get it right. Believe for the best. If this fails…well. There is a much deeper issue. She may not be the first and probably won’t be the last. I just hope your frustration and lack of trust doesn’t mess up the atmosphere at home for your kids. Blessings to you gal. I pray it gets better. Hang in there! 😘

  2. IAmNotTheAuthority says:

    I found text messages to a woman on my husband’s phone. The name was changed, so it wasn’t her name, but it was clear it was someone who he cared for. I read some of the messages, but my world went black and my husband returned. I asked him about the texts and he said it was only ever text messages, nothing more. A week later, I found some files on his computer that showed that, yes, it was more. A week after that, I found something else that told me that not only was it more, it was everything. He was having a full blown affair, and another life, with this woman.

    Go with what your gut is telling you. My gut told me there was more and I searched and dug until I found out the whole truth. I am NOT saying that my truth is your truth, he may be telling you everything. Go with what your heart is telling you.

    We are currently in counseling and I am hoping for the best. Everyone’s story is their own. Keep writing and keep reaching out for support. You are not alone.

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