“How much should I give up for marriage and a shot at an exciting new life?”

How much should I give up for marriage and a shot at an exciting new plan in life?

OK, here’s the dilemma. I became disabled a few years ago and my husband at the time was not willing to deal with me not bringing home the bacon anymore, so he’s gone. We had only been together for three years, and while I’ve always been independent and mostly single, I thought we had a great relationship. Turned out he really only wanted my great income.

Alone, I’ve been struggling to survive this life out in the country, and many days with my health problems, I just can’t do it. I sit here and shiver when I can’t get up to carry in anymore firewood and I no longer make use of this beautiful land by riding my horse or going hunting. Just daily stuff, like house work, is a lot. I managed a garden, but the workload did land me in the hospital one day.

So, I met this wonderful guy and he totally believes that despite my disability I do 10x more than his fully-able-bodied, ex, ever did. We really get along on everything so far, but it’s only been six months. I go stay with him three-to-four days a week, or he comes here on his days off, a few days a week.

He asked me to marry him and move in, and while it was easy to say yes, It means giving up 80 acres, way out in the country, for 8 acres, in town. We talked about how we could easily use one of the buildings there to set up a dog boarding business that I could do, even disabled. He’s a workaholic so when I’m down he’ll be there to help. And I’ve seen his building work so I know he’s capable of doing the accommodations I would need to operate it, disabled. He’s been around me enough to know that with my spinal condition there are mornings I can’t get up, and he’s willing to make it a habit to take care of the facility in the morning before he heads to work.

The problem is I have a lot of animals out here that are not as welcome in town. We both lease, so it’s going to mean getting the landlord permission to bring my cow and two horses. We are less than two months from the wedding, and he hasn’t asked. Also, in town I could have the chickens, but not the rooster, or the turkey. He doesn’t seem like he wants the chickens, but hasn’t really said…kind of ignoring the topic. The goat would have to get a new home because she constantly escapes, and in town that would be bad. My dogs are welcome at his house, but not really the cats, according to the landlord. Not in the house anyway. My cats are mostly outdoor barn cats, but they come in to sleep at night. I’m not really a cat person but they keep the mice down. Six cats can’t really be found homes for and I believe once an animal is mine, it’s my responsibility. I won’t take them to a shelter or dump them. He suggested putting them at his dad’s shop where they already feed some ferrel cats. To me that sounds harsh. We don’t even know if I can keep my horses and my cow at his house yet, or if I will have to pasture them somewhere where I hardly get to see them; or sell the cow.

This feels like I’m really giving up a lot. Not just the animals, but my integrity and morals, especially when he suggested I dump the cats at the shop.

I want this so badly. I want to give up my life out here where I have been for 10 years, to start a new business and have a life where I don’t have to carry every heavy object by myself, fix everything that goes wrong by myself, and struggle just to get so much done every day. I want the partnership, but I don’t want to give up my animals. Giving up this place with the creek in my yard and the mountains out the front window is enough.

They say marriage is about compromise, so what is compromise, and what is me giving everything up? He’s not sacrificing anything here, other than some space in his house. He is very giving, though, with constant back rubs and taking me places, helping me move hay or fix things.
My disability income covers all my expenses and it may take a while, but we should eventually be able to make the business successful. He will be doing a lot more work with his regular job and the business, but it seems when he is not working he gets roped into working for someone else like his dad or a friend anyway, but, then also he will have me around to handle his errands, finances, laundry and dinner.

What should I do?

One thought on ““How much should I give up for marriage and a shot at an exciting new life?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I would check out places closer to town, but don’t give up your animals. If he is as generous as he says then he will see what a good compromise a new place for the both of you will be.

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