I am obsessed with this Aussie band, and they’re currently touring the US. I saw them last week in Boston, and it was a great night. I had a lot of fun, but it didn’t go exactly the way I thought it would. We got really drunk, missed part of the set, and although I got to meet some of the band members, I really had my heart set on meeting the singer.

My friend, with the best of intentions, tried to make that happen, though in a pretty explicit manner. I still cringe at how she behaved. I feel like the impression we left was unsatisfactory, and I can’t stop thinking about how differently I wish everything had played out. You know, much more like what I had envisioned in my head.

They play in San Diego in a couple of weeks, and I am so tempted to see them play their last show. I live on the east coast, so I feel like it’s a really big deal to fly out to Cali for only a night. In fact, I feel like it’s rather insane, but something is nagging inside of me to be daring, and just do it. I had a dream about it, and it’s what prompted me to consider it. I can technically afford it. I can probably get the time off of work, too. And loads of people do stuff like this, so why not me?

My problem is, I do think it’s crazy. Especially considering that I am seeking some sort of do-over and still have weird expectations. Like I care what these guys, who have played for thousands of fans, think of me? If they even remember me. What if they do and they do think I’m crazy? I wouldn’t blame them. And what if I go to these lengths, and it fails to satisfy my expectations? I know I shouldn’t have any, but I feel such a strong need to make a good and lasting impression. For what I can’t be sure, but it’s consuming me.

I don’t know if I believe in fate, or if I’m trying to convince myself of something that isn’t there, but I feel like there are so many things urging me to do this. Little signs all around me that I have noticed, or maybe I’m looking for them. I feel desperately and unreasonably invested in this idea, and for that reason, I feel too embarrassed to confide in anyone close to me.

So am I being overly irrational here? Should I go and see what happens? I don’t know what would feel worse — regretting not taking the chance, or going and finding that it isn’t at all what I hope it to be.