“My boyfriend never wants to spend time with me”

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He never wants to spend time with me, but won’t admit it. There’s always an excuse. Every time we eventually make plans for just the two of us, he always invites his friends or ends up saying he’s too tired to do anything or just doesn’t want to go out.

It makes me feel unwanted and sometimes he just doesn’t like the idea of going out, but when it comes to his friends, anything is a good idea, and he doesn’t want me to tag along. I trust him with his friends, but I just don’t understand why spending time with me is a big deal. Even if it is just a quiet night at home with movies he just wants to sleep. I know I haven’t done anything wrong, and there is nothing in his life that is currently stressing him out for him to act differently. I know he still loves me but he just won’t give me the time I deserve to actually keep believing that he does!

2 thoughts on ““My boyfriend never wants to spend time with me”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Sit down and tell him you feel neglected and would like some quality time. Make sure to use “I feel” and not “you never,” so you are expressing your feelings and not pointing fingers. He may just not be paying attention and since you haven’t said anything (that I know of) he thinks everything is ok.

  2. Anonymous says:

    There are a lot of variables here, so I can only list some possibilities. Like the previous comment suggests, communication is key, if you really want to get to the bottom of it then you’ll have to talk to him. First, a two year stagnation could be a sign that you guys were primarily into each other due to physical attraction. When people meet they often put a lot of effort into trying to be the person that they think the other wants, but this rarely lasts two years and it is common for what once seemed like a great relationship to break down once people stop wearing their facades. So, first, I would recommend asking yourself if you really love this person and really appreciate their time, or if you are just used to them and want to have someone around. Do you enjoy the same activities? What is it he is doing with his friends and doesn’t want you to tag along? If it’s a sport or some other hobby which you don’t really enjoy he may not want you to come because he wants to focus on his activity without worrying whether you’re okay. I want to be clear, this is not any sort of negative commentary on either of you, merely one possibility. Two years, however, is long enough that the novelty of spending time with someone for its own sake has worn off. I cannot recommend anything to him to try because he has not posted a question, but you may try taking a genuine interest in something he does (not an interest in him doing it, but an interest in the activity itself), you may try finding a new activity which sounds interesting to both of you, you may try sharing something you’re interested in with him. And, once again, talk to him to find out what’s up, though “I feel neglected” is likely just going to make him feel obligated to spend time with you and perhaps do so to fulfill that obligation. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want is someone spending time with me because they feel they have to.

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