“I freeze up whenever I try to talk to a girl”

I’m a 23 year old male, and there’s this girl that I like. Problem is, I feel like I have no personality or an identity. The girl I like goes out a lot to drink and have fun and stuff, whereas I don’t do any of those things. There are many times where I want to break out of this shell and just go out, but, I just keep pulling myself back because I don’t really do that, and I’m afraid that I’ll be too boring.

I don’t go to parties because I’m the person that just sits down and never dances. I feel like I’m lost or something. I’m working minimum wage and some of my co-workers initiate conversations with me, but at the end of all of those conversations, I still feel empty. I can’t hold a conversation either, so I don’t know why they talk to me, but, I’m not going to say that to them. There are a lot of conflicting things happening to me, mentally. I see photos of my co-workers and their friends going out and having fun, and I just feel terrible. I feel like an old man inside a young body, and it sucks.

Anyway back to the girl. She’s the very opposite of me. She’s very outgoing and makes friends extremely quickly, people just click with her and naturally want to be around her. I feel like I could never do that, actually I could NEVER do that.

A former co-worker (who I think liked me, but, I missed all of her clues, like an idiot) told me that I’m “likeable” and I just gave her a confused look because I can’t see it. I digress. With the girl I like, it’s two extreme opposites, but, that’s the very reason why I like her. I feel like if we were a thing, I would get better at socializing and I would, in turn, enjoy going out more. I don’t know if that’s selfish, but, I don’t only want to be with her for that, even though it sounds like the main reason. She’s just a very warm person who is very open and honest. I’m just a complete shut-in. She’s really pretty, and if you were to see her, then I think you would agree.

We occasionally text/chat, and I do some light flirting with her in person (though I’m weird, and she probably doesn’t even see it as flirting). I feel like if I were to ask her out she would say yes, but that’s where I get stuck. I can talk up a storm via text/chat but in person? I freeze up, and I don’t have anything to say. I feel like she’s just being very nice to me. There were so many times where I want to ask her out, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that it’ll be terrible without someone else there to make it fun and interesting.

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One thought on ““I freeze up whenever I try to talk to a girl”

  1. Anonymous says:

    In situations where you’re you’re finding it hard to talk to people, I find it’s effective to talk about something you have in common with them. Have you tried finding out more about what she likes to do in her spare time? What does she watch on TV? Maybe something you were talking about over text? Comment on something in the news maybe and see what she thinks? Complement her on her hair for example if you notice she’s done something different to it.That way it sparks a natural conversation.
    Also, when you do have a conversation, makes sure you are a good listener and don’t just talk about yourself (which I doubt you would by the sounds of what you’ve said in your post).
    If you find it easier to talk via text, that can be fine too, but nothing beats a friendly chat with someone.
    Also, if you know her friends, try talking to them too if you can.
    Have you tried maybe meeting up with her for lunch, rather than asking for a full on date? That way there’s less pressure on the situation.

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