“I feel so insignificant compared to her”

I like someone. Okay, yeah, we all like someone, but I like him a lot and don’t really know how to deal with it. And it’s not even like we’re friends, so it’s not a problem or anything.

My problem isn’t him, actually. My problem is kind of me. See, he has a girlfriend who’s really pretty and tall and thin and has long blonde hair and is incredibly skilled at drawing and her eyeliner is always perfect and I feel so insignificant compared to her. I mean, I will be able to get over this guy eventually, but I still feel really terrible about myself right now?

Can someone please give me advice on feeling more confident or at least how not to, like, compare myself so much? Because I found myself obsessively refreshing her Instagram the other day, and I think I need to stop.

Signed sincerely,

A Hella Jealous Insecurity Machine

4 thoughts on ““I feel so insignificant compared to her”

  1. R says:

    This can be rough. I find myself in this situation an awful lot. Obsessively checking the crush’s girlfriend’s page— secretly wondering “If only I was as pretty as her, as put together as her— as successful as her” Its hard not to draw up comparisons in a world where we feel like our self worth as women depends on it.

    But you will be so. much. happier. If you don’t.

    The thing is— as put together as she may seem to you she really probably isn’t. For all you know that guy has an old friend thats a girl and she continuously checks that girls instagram page looking for signs of cheating.

    Because it doesn’t matter how pretty or tall or skilled with makeup you are. Your self worth has nothing to do with any of those things. You are an equally amazing person. And if you really don’t feel that you are then you need to take a step back, away from the situation and work on yourself.

    Its much less about how we look to guys and much more about how we make them feel. If were confident and comfortable in our own skin people will have more fun around us and want to be around us.

    Take a step away from both the guy you like and his ~oh so pretty~ girlfriend. Forget them for a while. Focus on yourself. Think you’re unskilled? Learn a new skill. Watch a makeup tutorial and learn to draw that eyeliner fiercely. Take up a hobby that has nothing to do with anything but you enjoying yourself. Take a good hard look in the mirror and find things about yourself that make you beautifully unique.

    Know that you aren’t in any way inferior to other women.

    • anon says:

      Thank you so much for that. I know I’m not really sounding all that great and a bit like an asshole on this one, but honestly your comment just made my day. And the idea of her doing the same thing, that we’re all just kinda human… that’s the part that really sold it for me. Again, thank you so much.

      Signed sincerely,
      A (now significantly less) Jealous Insecurity Machine 🙂

  2. Steph says:

    We’ve all felt this way. But here’s the thing, even the most beautiful women feel insecure at times because there’s someone equally beautiful but just a different kind of beautiful that they’ll never be.

    Same goes for personality qualities. For example, sometimes I’m so proud of my thinking and behavior, and then I see a woman who is so effortlessly elegant and well-spoken that I feel I need to step my game up.

    The bottom line is this: just because someone else is beautiful/smart/talented/personable, it does not negate your own amazing qualities. People represent a vast spectrum of great and terrible qualities, and one superb woman does not mean all other women have no place in this world. Because she is beautiful does not mean you are not.

    And, if the worst case scenario is true, that this chick is really just everything, use her as inspiration as opposed to a point of jealousy. I swear, this works. Let her inspire you and you will immediately be more attractive because it will manifest in your behavior.

    • anon says:

      Okay, I’ll give that a try. She does have a list of accomplishments as long as my arm, and I guess if I put myself out there a little more I might be able to grow one of those, too! And thank you, this really puts it all in respective.

      An (actually kind of confident now) Insecurity Machine

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