I have been married for almost 20 years. For 10 of those years, I have lived apart from my wife. There are no jobs in my hometown, and I am eager to work. With that being the case, I have been working out of town for the past 10 years. I have moved back into town for short stints over the year, but the best employment has always been elsewhere.

She has never wanted to move with me. It has always been the house from her previous marriage, the kids, the job, the church, the family, or the friends. Recently, something changed. I used to drive four hours each way every week to be with her. All of a sudden, I didn’t want to be with her anymore. I told her that I wanted a divorce. A better man would have been able to tell his woman to quit her job and join him in the new location, but that is not me. I work government contracts, and they are usually for less than a year in length. When I told her that I wanted a divorce, she told me that she wanted to meet every weekend in our midway point. The midway point is my house, which is midway between where I work and where she lives. I said no, she showed up anyway. She wanted to remain in contact throughout the end of the year. I agreed. Not because I wanted to, but because she seemed to need it.

Back in NoVA, I met someone in a fitness class. She and I seemed to fit so well. I fell for her almost instantly. Several weeks AFTER I decided I wanted her, she expressed an interest in me. I categorized it as a temporary obsession, and I started “cleaning the pipes” before seeing her. Nothing changed my desire to be near her. I knew that she and I had different sexual habits, and that they would be problematic. I still wanted to be near her, in any possible capacity. It came to a head. I was still visiting the wife, and she took a new lover. I never got into the casual sex thing. I get too attached, and with STDs, I don’t see it as a good return on investment.

She and I broke it off, became enemies, and entered into a battle of wills. The wife and I are trying to put it back together. I feel like it’s already broken, and I don’t know how to repair it. My feelings for her are still deep, still very painful. I know by now that she would just cheat on me, give me an STD, and break my heart. These things could happen in any order. Having made the decision to get rid of the caustic relationship. I’m looking for a way to revive the marriage.

Is it possible? I feel like the shell has been broken, and I don’t know that it can be repaired.