“He seems like a great guy, but I can’t get over my trust issues”

I have a rather complicated story, but I really need some advice, so please bear with me! I met a guy about three weeks ago on a dating app, and on the first date, he established that he was looking for a serious relationship, and not just a hookup. Since then, we’ve been seeing each other and speaking quite a lot over the phone (which is very unusual for me).

We share a lot of common interests, and so far he has been a very nice guy. A few days ago, he asked me if I wanted to go exclusive with him, and in the spur of the moment I said yes. Now I’m beginning to wonder if it was the right thing to do. I know it is unfair for me to judge him based on my past relationships (I was cheated on by my now ex-fiancĂ©, and I was abused for many years by a male relative in my childhood).

On the one hand, he is adorable, well-read, pretty sorted in life, and very affectionate. We match on an intellectual level and I love spending time with him, but on the other, I can’t get over the lack of trust I’ve had in men (with the cheating and the abuse) for so many years, and I can’t help feeling we made a rash decision by going exclusive in just under three weeks. What should I do?

3 thoughts on ““He seems like a great guy, but I can’t get over my trust issues”

  1. Kountrygurl says:

    I think your best bet would be to talk to him about what has happened to you in the past and explain to him that because of these things that have happened you have trust issues and see where it goes from there he should be willing to help you work through the trust issues

  2. Nosy says:

    Just because you guys are exclusive now doesn’t mean its super serious yet. Just let him know you want to go slow, and since he’s looking for a serious relationship he’ll be fine with it. You don’t have to go forward with it until you are comfortable with it. Being aware of your issues is great! That means you’ll be better at figuring out when its just a false alarm. Let him know you have issues with trust, and if it starts causing problems in your relationship, maybe take astep back or seek counseling. Just make sure you give yourself enough space to keep freakouts to a minimum, and make sure to stop before you hit the “going through his phone when he’s sleeping” stage.

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