“My boyfriend starts fights with me and never apologises”

I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months, with a boy I love dearly. But, if we ever argue, he is the one starting it, because I have done something that annoys him. It’s never the other way around. I’ll just deal with it.

He always makes me feel bad, saying things like, “thanks for trying,” or, “don’t worry, I’ll do everything,” in what feels like a very condescending way, and when I bring it up, he will never apologise.

The worst argument we’ve ever had was over an unclean fridge (so stupid). I started to fight against him, because I felt I didn’t deserve to be spoken to in that way, and he then squared up to me with his hands around my neck.

I left the house and waited for him to apologise. After him telling me that I started it, he finally did. I’m not scared of him, I don’t think what happened a few months ago will happen again, but he refuses to apologise for anything, and continues to upset me with the way he speaks to me.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. To make matters worse, he is my boss, and I don’t want to lose my job if I break up with him.

2 thoughts on ““My boyfriend starts fights with me and never apologises”

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    First off, I think you need to separate your issues from the fact that he’s your boss. Not wanting to lose your job is NOT a good reason to stay in a relationship with someone. As much as you may want to keep your job, you have to be ready to sacrifice it if the relationship doesn’t work out. But hey, that’s the gamble you take when you date your boss.

    Now, having said that, your boyfriend-boss sounds like the ex-boyfriend of a close friend of mine. This guy always had to be right. Any time they disagreed, his goal wasn’t to come to an agreement with his girlfriend (my friend). His goal was to prove her wrong, and worse, to do so in the most condescending, belittling way possible.

    Needless to say, this relationship didn’t last. A successful relationship is dependent on mutual respect — the idea that even if you disagree with your partner, you still respect their opinions. Well, it sounds like your boyfriend has zero respect for you. And if that’s the case, then I don’t see the relationship working out in the end. Or at the very least, I don’t see this being a happy relationship for you.

  2. JB says:

    The fact that he laid his hands on you in such a way is enough to end it. Even if it’s a one-off, it has still happened too many times.
    I highly recommend going on the hunt for a different job.
    If you choose to stay with him and the arguments start again the best thing to do is take a deep breath, calm the nerves and ask with sincerity if he is aware of the way he speaks to you. The only way forward is talk about it directly, but with tact. If his only response is with aggression and condescension, then you will know whether or not it is worth trying anymore.
    When it comes to never apologizing, I have been guilty of that, so I can understand if it’s something he rarely does, even to other people. Some of us are too proud to admit when we’re wrong, so instead of admitting it, we get angry when there’s no need to be.
    That is something that takes time, persistence, and the willingness to change of the person.
    I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

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