“I have a secret crush on the guy my friend is dating”

So I really like this guy, and once i realized it, I was so happy to tell my friend. However, when she got to my house, we went upstairs so I could tell her, and she told me that she’s dating the guy I like.

I decided not to tell her I liked him and to try and get over him. It’s been about a month, and my friends were telling me today that they don’t think he likes my friend, because after like a week, he stopped wanting to hang out.

Also, my friend said that he told her he might like someone else. I had suspected before that he liked me, but I forgot about it once he started dating my friend. But recently, I caught him staring at me in class and trying to just be near me. This would make me really happy, but now I don’t know what to do, because he might break up with my friend to be with me.

This is a problem, because my friend got really attached and would be super sad by the breakup. Also, i would then want to date him, but not want to make my friend mad at me.

Should i see what happens, and if there’s a chance I could date him without upsetting my friend too much? Or should I try to forget about my crush?

One thought on ““I have a secret crush on the guy my friend is dating”

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    I guess you have to decide how much you value your friendship. I for one think it’s stupid to “stake out” some sort of claim on a person. If you both like the same guy, but he likes you more, then I believe you have every right to date him, regardless of how your friend feels.

    Of course, that’s not how people are. And given how this all played out, I think there’s a good chance your friend is going to be hurt if you even pursue anything with this guy. So, I see a few options here:

    1) If you think the guy does like you, approach him privately and find out. If it turns out that he does like you, the two of you can approach your friend together. You can (try to) tell her that the two of you definitely feel a connection to each other, and it’s nothing personal against her. You both respect her as a friend, and that’s why you’re being upfront about it. But yes, the two of you would like to date.

    Your friend will probably be hurt, but … I think that’s the most civil way you can broach the topic.

    And if it turns out that the guy doesn’t like you … well, then, you may feel a bit humiliated, but at least your friend will never have to know.

    2) You can approach your friend privately and explain exactly what you wrote here. You can tell her that you feel a connection to this guy, making it clear that this started before they even started dating. And then you can see how your friend responds.

    3) Just keep it to yourself and accept that you blew your chance on this one. And next time you like a guy, be more proactive about it. instead of babbling it to your friend first, tell the guy first, and see where that leads.

    It’s up to you which option you prefer …

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