I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years, and we have a three-year-old daughter. We have a lot of issues, though. Should I stay? How do I leave?
My boyfriend doesn’t support my dreams. He tells me I can’t do what I love and that I am too much of a dreamer. I want to be a teacher and travel someday. On top of this, he doesn’t have much ambition to do anything great in his lifetime.
He is verbally abusive often and sometimes mildly physically abusive (throwing food/small things at me, breaking my things, etc.). He says things to me on a regular basis that most people don’t hear their whole lives. Horrible things that cut me deep. He blows things way out of proportion whether its me or some other factor that upsets him.
He doesn’t appreciate me and doesn’t share with me. He loves our daughter, but doesn’t hesitate to verbally/physically abuse me in front of her. He is very obscene when it comes to petty problems.
He doesn’t have any friends any more (due to his assholiness and the fact that he literally hates everyone), but I feel bad leaving him because I love him as a person, and we’re all he has.
Sometimes he is very sweet and tells me I’m the love of his life. This doesn’t change the fact that he could abuse me 20 minutes later.
I don’t think he understands how much this pushes me over the edge. I’ve told him countless times that I want to leave him, but he doesn’t take me seriously and calls me a bitch for saying it. I’ve tried leaving several times, but never had the courage to stick it out.
I don’t want my child exposed to his behavior anymore, but can’t find the courage to leave.
Another factor is that I can not afford to pay all of the bills I need to, and he won’t give me a dime if I choose to leave him. I am also afraid of having joint custody, because I don’t think he’s a good influence to our child, and I’m afraid he might take her for good if I leave him alone with her. I don’t want to take anything to court, because I don’t have much money, and I don’t want to legally have joint custody.
Also, he refuses to go to couples counseling.
I went to a wedding yesterday and realized that I do not feel like I will ever be at the point where I have the courage to walk down the isle to him. It doesn’t feel right to me. He was my first boyfriend and I don’t know how relationships normally go.
I do love him. But I can’t do this anymore. Please tell me what you think.