should I leave it in the past?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, I’m 21 and he’s 24. Lately his behaviour has changed a lot. It seems like we argue almost everyday and it’s usually over little things. He tends to get angry pretty quickly and it always ends with him calling me stupid and saying I’m incapable of doing anything right. I have told him that I don’t like it when he calls me names but it feels like when we argue he uses it against me out of spite. A few days ago we went to a concert, and he got really drunk. So drunk that he could barely stand straight, it was super embarrassing. While we were sitting down he patted his jacket and couldn’t find his phone, he got REALLY angry and started shouting at me and saying that he’s going to break up with me if he doesn’t find his phone by the end of that night (a phone I had bought for him) I was pretty sure he hadn’t lost it but every time I tried to go near him to search for it he would swear and shout at me so I just left him alone, when he did eventually find his phone in his pocket I burst into tears and he started begging for forgiveness and saying he was sorry. Even though he apologised and I accepted it I still can’t get over that night and I’m so hurt that he would be so mean. Do you think I should bring up that night? Should I tell him how I feel? Or should I leave it in the past?

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7 thoughts on “should I leave it in the past?

  1. resullins says:

    [I think you should leave it in the past. Along with your boyfriend. Whatever the reason he’s treating you like this, his behavior is unacceptable. He’s treating you like shit, and you’re getting upset about it. He’s not worth this. If you’ve been together for 6 months, I’m going to guess that he’s been on his best behavior, and is now showing his true colors. This isn’t going to get any better. He may be able to temporarily course-correct, but it will come back to this same mistreatment.

    You’re young… ditch this bastard and go out and have fun!

  2. JaneS says:

    [Break up with him – stat! Your boyfriend is exhibiting typical signs of an abuser who is trying to control and dominate your relationship through intimidation, emotional abuse, and shifting responsibility to you. Healthy, loving relationships aren’t stressful. You should not be feeling like crap thinking it’s your fault he acts like this and hoping for “good” days.

    Stop the cycle of violence.
    http://www.theduluthmodel.org/training/wheels.html

  3. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [As the others have said here before me…you need to end this relationship ASAP, and I say this from experience. A few years ago I was in a relationship 100% like this; that lasted 18 months, about 12 months longer than it should have.

    Things started off fine in the beginning, but eventually the eventual fight became daily fights over the smallest thing. Her ammo during the arguments were often personal and full of spite and hate. Three times while we were together she actually said she hated me. I never forgot this, and it loomed over me every time we fought.

    Needless to say she argued like a child, making fun of me, my interests, my friends, anything she could try and use to make me feel bad. Eventually I figured out she did this as a means of trying to keep me down, so she could better control me.

    She also drank…a LOT. When she did she would often pick fights (often out of her own insecurities), say the most hateful things, and then once sobered up apologize profusely.

    I’ll answer your question of “Should I tell him how I feel?”

    Yes. You should tell him how you feel. How everything he’s said and done has made you feel. Once he understands this…tell him that because if those things the relationship is over.

    Do not give him any chances of redemption. If you did, even if things got better it would likely only be for a short while and you’ll end up right back here.

  4. Drew says:

    [You’re 21. You’re learning how to do relationships and learning about yourself (and growing as a person) and learning what you like/dislike in a partner. You are so incredibly young and so much amazingness ahead if you. Don’t waste any of it on a guy that will scram at you when he’s drunk. Please end it now. Please.

  5. Shepkatt says:

    [This is the absolute best he will ever treat you.. You have nowhere to go here but down.

    There is a saying: No man is worth your tears .. but the one is – will NEVER make you cry.

    This is a life lesson on what you don’t want going forward. Run sweetie.. Run

  6. JW57 says:

    [I agree with everyone else. Go now. The longer you stay the longer it takes to repair yourself when it does end–this coming from someone who was married to a verbally abusive partner for five years.

  7. lilredbmw says:

    [Leave it all in the past. Forgive him for his actions, because chances are he is troubled. But, guess what? It’s not your place to stay in a relationship and be someone’s punching bag and/or try to change his behavior. I have been in many relationships and the one’s worth keeping won’t ever speak to you or treat you the way this guy has. It doesn’t matter how drunk he was. That’s just a lame excuse people use to attempt to excuse poor behavior. You are probably too young to have any children, but if you had a daughter, what advice would you give to her? Would you tell her to keep going out with some guy who has hurt her and spoken to her in such an abusive tone? Or what would you tell your best friend? Well, guess what? You need to be your own best friend, and love yourself enough to move it along. There is nothing to see here. This relationship is not worth saving. You are worth so much more.

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