Complex relationships

So my situation was pretty complicated, I knew this guy for about 4 months but just as friends before we started talking, and then we had a few conversations and then we started to meet up, on our first meet up we ended up both getting really drunk and having sex, i regretted at first but he wasnt a dick about it so i got over it, I was planning on going to uni pretty soon and he is older and works full time so we only got to meet up a few times before i moved 3 hours away. Suprisingly when i got to uni we kept in contact and i started to get feelings for him, and then one day i found out I was pregnant, my first thought was to get rid of it as I was too young we didnt really know each other that well, I had only just started uni, but her managed to convince, based on religion we had to keep the child, and due to my growing feelings for him and religious views i eventually changed my mind and decided to keep it. i ended up traveliing down to see him every weekend and weve spent pretty much every weekend for the past 6 months together. Our realtionship is complicated as we beginning to get close before i found out i was pregnant and then when i did find out things becamise even more so accelerated, i knew the kind of guy he was and it didnt really bother me, he had told me that he had cheated in past relationships in order to prevent him from getting ‘bored’ and i accepted that and because things werent that serious it didnt really bother me if he was talking to other people or not. After a while things did start to get pretty serious, like discussing our futures together, the child we had on the way and decided we wanted to raise the child together and have a family together, discusing marriage meeting each others parents the whole ordeal. For me i felt like even though we hadnt offically decided that we were in a realtionship the same rules counted and although i knew he texted other gilrs every know and again, we spend all our free time together so it didnt really bother me cause i knew he wasnt sleeping with them or meeting up with them and thought i would eventually be enough and he get bored of them. Until today i made the decison to go through his phone when i was alone and discovered that a month ago he had meet up with 3 of these girls, i dont know what had happened when he meet up with them, i also discovered that one of the girls he had downplayed their realtionship to me and they had actually only ended because she had broken up with him and he had been still seeing her whilst seeing me and he knew i was pregant. At first when reading the messages i was angry and i had clearly been cheated on, but as angry as i was i cant just walk away from the situation as we have a child on the way, then i wanted to confront him, but i had no right to go through his phone and i wouldnt have appreciated it if he ever went throught me phone, and then i was sad because i felt like i having been giving my all and him still being interested in other girls shows that i wont ever be good enough, and even though im upset i dont want to be without him, but i dont what i can do that will satisfy him that he wont feel the need to talk to other girls, he gives me the impression that im all he wants, and i didnt necessarily find anything that says he slept with the other gilrs just met up with them, and i know theres no point in confronting him about it cause he will just hid it better, i just want to know if theres anythig i can do to stop him from seeking company in other girls

3 thoughts on “Complex relationships

  1. DavidIsGreat says:

    [In short, no.

    You can be honest with him. You can ask him. There are many consequences if he does. You can choose to leave this guy if he does.

    But this is a problem with him. If he can’t respect your wishes for fidelity, there SHOULD be consequences.

    You aren’t asking if you should leave him etc. You’re asking if there’s any way to stop him. If you’ve already told him it’s important and he won’t stop, then no. I’m sorry, he will do what he wants

    • aea says:

      [but what about the fact the i’m pregnant, i don’t want to raise the child without him

    • DavidIsGreat says:

      [You don’t necessarily have to. But you don’t have to settle with someone who doesn’t seem to respect you just because you’re pregnant. Having a civil relationship to raise a child together is not the same thing as being in a partnership that isn’t working. Many women do it alone, and many have courteous agreements with exes concerning raising children. It isn’t always bitter and impossible.

      Here’s the bad new; I don’t think you’re so lucky. Every relationship has a little give and take and even some sacrifice. But fidelity should not be a hard request to follow from a partner. If you feel strongly that is important and he doesn’t it is likely to come up again.

      Doont stay in a bad thing for the kid. Take steps to set the kid up with a good thing. Even if that means that mommy and daddy aren’t together.

      I don’t presume to know any more than you’ve shared with us, so I’m not telling you that your relationship is bad. But the picture you are painting is that of an unhealthy one in my opinion

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