Is he into me or not?

A few months ago I met a guy in my boxing/circuit class. We hit it off and he eventually made it clear that he was interested in being more than friends. I tried to keep plutonic, but I am only human and the attraction and chemistry between us is off the charts!! I am a 41 year old woman, he is 28. We became more than friends about three weeks ago. We did agree that we would have to have ‘a chat’ at some stage, but neither of us has brought it up yet.
The thing is – at the start when we were just friends/just got together; he would text all the time. Now he hardly texts at all. There are some good reasons for this – he has a 5 year old daughter who lives with her Mum. He has had her for the past week so I understand that he is concentrating on being with her, but I am still wondering……was it just the thrill of the chase, or to tick an older chick off his bucket list….? And then on the other hand – during the week I met his daughter for the first time. Although we don’t know what the fuck we are doing I was happy to meet her because she is a big part of his life. We kept it pretty low key but he told me he had a talk to her after and she liked me. I’m pretty comfortable with kids – I’m an Aunty and I have a lot to do with my friends kids. I know you are all going to say he’s being a typical guy, but how can he on the one hand be so distant and not contact me much at all – and on the other hand introduce me to his daughter?
For the most part I like being single. I don’t really like the person I become when I’m interested in a guy, and I hate feeling so vulnerable and like I am not in control of my own shit. I am constantly checking my phone these days and even when he texts I am shitty that he is not sending me texts that say a bit more than ‘I was gutted to miss boxing class today’ when I tell him I miss him. I hate that another person can affect me so much just by what they do….I know I should be in control of my own feelings and reactions and all that crap but I’m just not that sort of person.
I know I have some hang ups from a past relationship. My boyfriend of 5 years was living overseas and cheated on me. I couldn’t get hold of him for 4 days and when he finally answered his phone that’s when I found out. The phone thing is hard for me especially not keeping in contact or not answering.
So that’s it. Sorry it’s so long. I think maybe I should just say we should just be friends but I am not sure I can do that. Is that weak? It feels weak. He doesn’t really tell me much. But we have both voiced the fact that we really click. In every way.

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3 thoughts on “Is he into me or not?

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [It sounds like you’re wise and aware enough to know what’s going on. But it also sounds like you’re being pretty hard on yourself for being human. The reality is that it’s easy to know, on a logical and rational level, what you *should* do, or how you *should* feel. But it’s a lot harder to follow through, because feelings always trump reason.

    You may be right that some of the thrill of the chase has worn off for him, and that’s why he doesn’t text you as much anymore. You may be right that he does genuinely like you on some level. Either way, it’s pretty clear you’ve fallen for him.

    So at this point, I think you have to decide what exactly you want out of this, and whether or not you want to let yourself pursue it:

    Is he just a fun hook-up? If so, then you have to do everything within your power to keep your feelings in check. That’s way easier said than done, of course. But at least if you have that self-awareness, you can check yourself anytime you start doting on a potential future with him.

    Is he someone you want to pursue something more serious with? 13-year age gaps aren’t unheard of, but you do have to consider the realities of that. At 28, and even with a five-year-old, is he going to be looking for the same things as you?

    If you realize that, deep down, you do want something more with him, then I think you need to be the one to bring up that conversation. And hopefully, he’ll be mature enough to be willing to talk about it. Because at this point, that’s the only way to find out if he really is into you or not. You mulling things back and forth on the internet will never give you a definitive answer, right? 🙂

    Either way, I don’t think you’re being weak. I think you’re really into someone, and you’re *human*. As long as you’re aware that you have fallen for this guy and are in a vulnerable state — and it seems like you are — I think you can cut yourself some slack and accept that, hey, it’s not always easy to control your feelings. So accept that they’re there, and figure out what you want to do about them.

    • Dan says:

      [Sorry for the disagree vote Dennis! Mobile interface got me… I do agree, and I don’t think there is too much to say other than you need to talk face-to-face and say what you want and need. It’ll be obvious after that!

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