What Does He Mean? I don’t get it!

I’ve been dating this guy for less than a month. He was a (platonic) friend of many years who reconnected with me to invite me for dinner. We had a wonderful time, talking about life and catching up. We were communicating every day. The same scenario played out for three dates, with the second and third dates ending in a little romance. I thought we were in a good place in every sense, emotionally and physically.

Although he continued to text me for several days after date three, his texts then stopped out of the blue and he blew off a date HE planned citing family emergency (which WAS a credible story). I didn’t freak out on him. I kept myself busy with friends even though I was upset, I didn’t tell him. I sent him support when he provided his reason. My texting with him has been limited to once a day or less. I’m not blowing up his phone 24/7 nor am I questioning what’s happening. I’m just letting life happen (but it’s breaking me inside).

He’s in a “zone” right now where, although he told me he is completely free to get together this week and he’s thinking about what we can do together, he is completely different than the man I knew last week. He was fine prior to and post intimacy and, all of a sudden, nothing. No texts to tell me about his day, ask me how my day was, see how I’m doing or attempt to connect. He’s done a 180. I’ve seen some guys do this for space, to collect their thoughts before moving forward in a relationship.Rubber Band Man? I’ve seen some guys do this because they’re not interested. Regardless, he sought me out. I like him, as a friend and possible bf, and I don’t know what to do. (We never discussed a status.) Clearly, we need to get together to have a conversation face to face. I don’t want to have it via text or phone. Family issues? Stress from work? Doesn’t want to commit? (I haven’t asked him to.) I don’t know what’s up with him but I’d like some advice. I’m almost afraid to reach out to him because I don’t know what’s going on. I WANT to reach out but….. I’d like to text him with some flirty text. I’d like to ask him if he’s ok. Don’t know my next move. Right now my next move is a holding pattern, as in I’m holding my breath and my heart.

Why would he change so quickly? Am I right to give him space to figure out some personal issue or should I call him saying, I’m concerned because you don’t seem to be yourself? We are friends. Not like we just met….but this is not who he is. Why is acting this way?

Please help! Thank you!!

4 thoughts on “What Does He Mean? I don’t get it!

  1. Joanna says:

    [Since he called the last date off because of a family emergency, perhaps that means someone in his family is extremely ill, dying, or may have already died. That would take a lot of energy out of him and not leave him his normal self. Reach out to him via text just once (and don’t expect an answer immediately) that if he’s going through a difficult time, you’re there to support him and if he needs to talk then he can give you a call.

    Sorry this just may be me but when someone says “family emergency”, my mind tends to go to the worst case scenario.

  2. Dan says:

    [You’ve certainly considered all the different options! Your position is tough but fortunately simple, ask. Check-in and tell him you hope he’s doing ok and would like to see him again if and when he’s ready. Wait for a response but don’t put your life on hold for him.

    How long ago was the emergency?

  3. resullins says:

    [When there’s a family emergency, the first thing people do is decide who they want around for support, and disregard the extraneous people in their lives. Right this very second, you’re extraneous. If you had progressed further in the relationship, maybe you would have been kept around.

    The only thing you can do right now is let him know you’re still there, and give him time. I’d say, a month, at the latest. If he comes back to you, then that’s awesome and you’re obviously someone he considers worthy of making an effort for. If he moves on, then you know that you’ve been, well, downsized.

    The worst thing you can do is worry about it. There’s nothing you can change here. My mom always said that if you don’t like a situation, you can either change your environment, or change your attitude. Everything else is out of your control.

    Good luck. It sounds like you like him.

    • nightowl says:

      [Yeah you sound like you are doing all the right things, but for some reason something is going on with him and he hasn’t felt like he can share the full story with you yet. I don’t think it’s the time to send a flirty text. You are not feeling flirty. You are feeling a bit hurt and confused and wondering what’s up with this guy. So find a way to tell him, which begins with organising a time for you to meet up, preferably doing something not really date like so there is no pressure. A walk, coffee, a situation that is light and provides you enough space and opportunity to chat. It could be the family thing, it could be he’s freaking out about taking your relationship further, whatever it is it’s not doing you any favours sitting wondering why. If he doesn’t make himself available to meet up (give him a few chances, if it is something like an ill family member it might be difficult for him considering you have only just reconnected) then you probably need to move on.

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