My boyfriend said I’m a bad kisser and I feel like he suddenly turned into a bossy controlling guy

I met the guy I’m currently dating, on Tinder. I’m 24, He’s 23. We hit it off really well. And we’ve been dating for almost 2 months. He was a really sweet, polite, affectionate and pretty attentive guy. We exchanged I love yous about a month ago and things were going pretty fine. Recently I gave him a little present along with a note and I had a feeling he might have thought it was a bit intense. And he ended up talking about how he’s not the kinda guy who’s gonna give me a lot of time. and that he’s selfish with time. And I seem like someone who needs that. I agreed that I did. He also mentioned that he doesn’t meet that much. And that’s been an issue with previous girlfriends. He made it sound like I should be grateful he’s giving me all this behind the scenes information. But honestly it just felt like he was laying things down and I need to just be okay with it. I noticed that texts and calls sort of dwindled for a bit after that and he would only be affectionate when he was drunk.
A couple of days ago we ended up at his place and we were making out etc and this was probably the 2nd time we’ve been physical. Later that day he was all, Can I tell you something, But i don’t want you to get offended. I said oh um okay. And then he decided against it but of course It was on my mind all day and I called him and asked if he could just tell me. He said there isn’t any nice way to put this, You’re a bad kisser. I sat there in silence for a while and he said maybe you should google how to fix that. I was pretty stunned. And I said wow no ones ever said that to me before. And he was all well maybe you’ve just never been kissed right. I was insulted and hurt and I cried a little. He didn’t realize. And he then proceeded to tell me I have an ego problem. He brought up stuff I’d told him and used it against me. About how my ex left me for his previous girlfriend. And said I’m sure you would have been fine if you had done the breaking up. Like even right now. Not once did you ask how you can improve on the kissing and what exactly was wrong. You were more bothered that I had the audacity to say something like that to you. I told him he could have at least put that across in a nicer manner and he said well I didn’t know how, I’ve never had to say that to anyone before. :/
I told him he was picking on me now and I was already upset and I dont understand why he’s talking to me like this and he’s SO unbothered that he upset me and acting so different from the way he was initially. He was all this is how I really am. And just kept making jokes. And I said well you’re being kinda shitty. He said no I’m awesome, you just don’t know it yet. I mentioned that he made me cry and he said That’s stupid, dont cry. That really pisses me off. This is not a big deal. You clearly can’t deal with criticism. And you always seem to care too much about what other people think. That’s why you dress up so much isn’t it? I said excuse me? I dress up coz I like dressing up. And he said yeah that’s it, assert yourself. I told him I don’t need life lessons right now. After a point he got annoyed with all my “why’s” and said I was harping on about a tiny thing. I said I want answers and I’ll be as annoying as I want right now. and he said Go to sleep. I was all um I don’t like being told what to do and I don’t particularly like bossy guys. He said my name, and said go to sleep or I will hang up and put my phone on flight mode.
So yeah, I was shocked by the entire conversation. This whole thing threw me. We’ve always been so…nice to each other. I’d love to think of this as our first couple fight but it seems like a little more than that. He was just so flippant. For a bit I felt like he was trying to push me to break up with him. But then he would say stuff like you don’t know how to look at the bigger picture with us. And talk in future-like terms. And It felt like he was trying to mould me.
At his point I don’t know what to think,
I guess the big question here is, Is my boyfriend a dominant control freak and should I leave him?

6 thoughts on “My boyfriend said I’m a bad kisser and I feel like he suddenly turned into a bossy controlling guy

  1. kerplunkLYN says:

    [When a man tells you, ” this is how I really am” and shows you by being disrespectful, shitty, mean, and unkind, the best thing to do is leave and never look back. What an asshole.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Sounds to me like he’s purposely picking a fight so that you’ll break up with him.

    You probably should just go ahead and do that.

  3. avd11 says:

    [So you have a guy within 2 months stating that he doesn’t want to make time for you. I don’t think he loves you, hemis displaying ZERO respect. Move on!

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Good point. I was trying to be nice about it, but saying “I love you” after two months is… well, kind of a red flag. :-/

  4. Taurwen says:

    [I agree with Dennis, it sounds exactly like he wants you to break up with him.
    Chances are you aren’t a bad kisser, in fact even if he legitimately doesn’t enjoy kissing you it probably just means you guys don’t match up very well. A friend of mine and I discussing this once, how it’s like some people kiss and it’s ginger ale. Some people kiss and it’s like chocolate syrup. Both great on their own, but mix ’em together and it’s gross. Maybe he’s a ginger ale kisser and you’re a chocolate syrup kisser.
    Either way, he’s being an ass. Even worse, he’s intentionally being an ass and trying to gaslight you.

    He wants to break up but he wants you to pull the trigger. I’d call him on that, tell him he needs to grow up because what he’s doing is really really shitty. He’s putting his comfort ahead of your sanity and/or self worth. Not cool. (I’m all for acting like an ass after a break up to make sure all parties move on, but you don’t mess with someone before the break up just because it makes you feel better. That’s horrible)

  5. Veritas says:

    [She lacks a clear understanding of her identity and who she is.

    He lacks the ability to care for someone as he shares who he is.

    She stuck around something that she knew she didn’t want to be in. The results are that she is grasping for definitions and understanding about someone who is pretty transparent.

    What she needs to do is figure out who she is. He is of little importance in this scenario when she figures that out.

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