Ghosted by my boyfriend

Backstory: boyfriend and I both in our mid-thirties, been dating for nearly 2 years. First 6 months were amazing, the rest of our relationship has it’s highs and lows, mostly fighting over his work and not spending enough time together or traveling together.

Recently, I moved to a new city and the plan was that he would move up here as well in a few months. We had thought we’d move in together but he said that our fights concerned him and he didn’t think he was ready. To which I replied that if we’re not ready to make this move after nearly 2 years together, maybe it’s time to walk away. I’m not in a rush to be married or anything, but feel like at this stage of our relationship, if we’re not moving forward, that what is really the point. He told me he loved me over and over and said that we would work something out.

He was supposed to come back to see me before I left on a trip and canceled on me last minute over text message, which is highly unlike him and he didn’t even call me to talk that night or once while I was away. His behaviors were all really strange and I spent the weekend in emotional turmoil trying to figure out why my boyfriend just stopped talking to me. He finally replied to me on Sunday and we both agreed to take a break. So, I guess I’m single? This whole thing was so sudden and unlike his typical communication that I’m really having a hard time understanding his behavior. If anyone has any insight, it would be appreciated.

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3 thoughts on “Ghosted by my boyfriend

  1. missmaria says:

    [As you said yourself: “I’m not in a rush to be married or anything, but feel like at this stage of our relationship, if we’re not moving forward, that what is really the point.” I’m thinking that both your feelings are mutual and you can’t be surprised if he is acting distant from you.
    As well as your fights being a cause for concern, I’m guessing that a move to a new city is a big step for him and the last thing he wants to do, is make one big upheaval with a relationship he feels is unsteady in tow, only for it to implode in his face. There’s nothing like being dumped and alone in a new place with no support system around the corner.

    His declaration of love must have come from a place where he wanted to (perhaps) glue everything together and not lose you in haste, but a moment of clarity triggered his behaviour into a change of heart and perhaps, like you, felt that: “if we’re not ready to make this move after nearly 2 years together, maybe it’s time to walk away.”

    Don’t spend too long analysing his behaviour as it’s clear “this” meaning you and him, wasn’t meant to move to the new city. As Joanna said, he used a weak sauce way of breaking up with you along with the not-so-subtle slow fade out of the relationship. Use your time in the new city to concentrate on your new job and new adventures!

  2. EricaSwagger says:

    [Completely agree with both above comments.

    OP, you were right when you said it was time to walk away. You knew it when you said it and you know it now. Remind yourself that you were right, do it constantly. Your ex’s gut reaction was to hold on — losing something/someone close to you is hard, and he may have felt that in the moment. But he then realized you were right also.

    I think part of your frustration is the mixed signals: he loves you so much, you’ll work it out… never mind, you were right, let’s take a break. This is confusing for anyone and can be difficult to understand. Rejection is hard, and although it was originally your idea to walk away, the fact that he agrees with you is going to sting just as much as if he were the one who originally suggested it. It’s just how human egos work. It’s totally fine to feel the sting and to be uncomfortable losing him.

    But you were right! It was the right thing to do, to end things. You moved away, you guys fought a lot, there was no further commitment on the horizon. Your relationship was just played out, it’s no big deal, and you’ll move on and be fine. But for now it’ll sting. Every time you feel that disappointment/sadness/whatever it is, remind yourself that it was your idea and that you were right.

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