Divorced Relationship Advice

I’ve been dating this girl for about 6 months. Known her for a while, and we dated briefly back in college. She’s recently divorced, so I know that changes all the rules. We started out strong, great relationship, very affectionate, talked all the time but still had personal lives. Recently, it’s been confusing.

In the last month or so, I’ve only seen her in groups. No alone time, but she always invites me out with them.

She doesn’t text first anymore, but she generally responds pretty quick. I didn’t text her at all for a week, didn’t hear a word until I finally cracked.

She’s not affectionate in public/groups, but in the few minutes saying goodbye she’s extremely affectionate.

She’s recently apologized for being flaky on alone time and that we haven’t been intimate (We haven’t had sex in almost 2 months), so she’s acknowledged both issues but nothing has changed.

Seems like I’ve become her Plan B depending on what else comes up, but I’m always invited out with the groups. We both lead very busy lives, but zero time alone seems excessive.

I’ve asked if everything’s good a couple times and she keeps saying there’s nothing to worry about. I’m sure she’s reclaiming her independence after the divorce, but where does that leave me? Should I just back off and wait to hear from her, see if that changes anything?

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4 thoughts on “Divorced Relationship Advice

  1. missmaria says:

    [Sounds like this girl needs some space – mostly for her sake. You say she’s recently divorced, so I’m guessing she hasn’t allowed herself some time for herself, get her head around being properly single and allowed herself to heal properly. As with past long term relationships I’ve had, I’ve learnt that it takes a bit of time for the heart to heal and that it’s never a good idea to quickly jump into another relationship without having some ample time to really do me.
    Yet in her case this was a marriage that ended and she must be going through all sorts of emotions that you unfortunately can’t help her with, as much as you’d like to.

    The signs that she may be doubting her decision to start a relationship with you, is her friends being constant company. She’ll invite you out for sure but her friends act as a nice cushion so she avoids having to spend alone time with you but keeps you there for the wrong reasons, which isn’t fair on you. That and the lack of affection, intimacy and her never texting you. I think we both know that if we really like someone, we sure are pleased as punch to be with them, won’t hesitate to text them and shower them with hugs and kisses.

    It’s unfortunate that your relationship came at a bad time but the best thing you can do is leave her to heal properly and wish her the best (I’m not convinced that she’s absolutely 100% fine and I don’t think she intended to hurt you either).
    You deserve a relationship where the feelings and efforts are equal and that person can fully give themselves to you without dragging messy relationship pasts into it.

    • apcologirl says:

      [This is easy. As said before “You deserve a relationship where the feelings and efforts are equal and that person can fully give themselves to you without dragging messy relationship pasts into it. ”

      Listen to your own feelings, they are communicating with you. The time is not right for her. Let it go and move on, you deserve someone who makes you their 1st!

      Good luck 🙂

  2. Bonita says:

    [I dated pretty immediately after my divorce, and it was entirely unfair to the men I dated. When you get divorced, you lose your entire identity and your sense of self undergoes a dramatic shift accordingly. The men I dated early on were a bit of a sounding board for the various new versions of myself, though they thought they were in a legitimate relationship with me. I did not mean them any harm, but I was in no condition to be able to offer any of the men a fair chance.

    Without malicious intent, she is probably using you to feel better and figure herself out. Her pulling away might mean she is starting to feel confident in her independence, and if she stays connected to you she’ll never fully realize who she is and can be on her own. She obviously cares enough to not want to hurt you, but her actions suggest that she also does not want to be with you.

    For your own sake, let go of her. It took me half a decade to be able to date without residual grudges, and a lot of men got hurt along the way. She deserves to reclaim herself, but you do deserve someone who is ready to give you a fair shake.

  3. resullins says:

    [I have to agree with almost everything already said above. This girl IS using you as a back-up plan, but I don’t think she’s being intentionally malicious. She’s just rediscovering herself. I would back off for a while. Let her figure out what it is she wants. If she’s interested in pursuing a relationship with you, she’ll figure that out… and she’ll make an effort. But as long as you’re the one doing all the pursuing, you’re carrying all the burden. And that gets heavy after a while.

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