Am I annoying her?

Hi,
I’m a guy and I’ve never had any close female friends so I don’t really know what to expect around girls – let alone girls that I like. That’s why I’m going to make this fairly detailed with background information (while keeping it anonymous for myself).

There’s a girl I really like in a few of my university classes and lectures. I’ve seen her two days a week for about 5 weeks. I have to endure the days in between. I live for those 2 days 😀

My question is: Am I being that annoying person that you don’t really want to talk to but do just because you want to be kind? I think that this is very possible because she seems like a very courteous person.

We see each other while waiting for class, in class, in breaks between classes and while walking to the station after class. My point being the only reason we talk is because of class. We never meet when there isn’t class. I usually approach her because I’m always looking around (probably for her :D) and see her first. I haven’t tried being around her and not approaching. I really don’t want to try that. But in the rare case that she sees me first, she’ll always make the effort to approach me.

We talk about work, class, the weekend, secondary school, friends, movies etc. Sometimes it feels like a lot of small-talk but I guess conversations with anyone are like that. I might need to grow my funny bone a bit. Our conversations are no different to conversations that I would have with one of my guy friends.
We sit together if we’re in class or waiting for something. On a day when we have 2 hours of class, we’ll spend one hour waiting or walking together. One time after class she asked me if I wanted to come run an errand with her. That’s about all the time we’ve spent together.

Writing this question and reading through it has allowed me to summarise and evaluate the situation outside of my head. I now realise that she doesn’t mind being around me in person. But now I am also able to tell what made me doubt her friendliness in the first place.

I added her on Facebook within the first few times I saw her. I don’t private message her often – maybe once or twice a week. 90% of the time it’s me initiating the conversation. Usually it’s about university or just something funny. The conversations only average for about 2-6 messages. She uses a lot of “LOL”s and “OMG HAHAHAHA”s but seems disconnected from the conversation. I am always leading the conversation and I usually send the last message. A conversation has never ended with her message. I am used to having many hour long conversations with my (guy) friends.

In our brief online conversations I managed to subtly ask her to a movie. She said she didn’t have the money or time. We met the next week and she brought up that conversation and explained to me why she didn’t have time. There was a genuine reason

My classes will change in a few weeks (end of semester) and there is about a 60% chance of me being in her class again.

My intentions: This is literally the girl of my dreams. That being said, if our relationship can’t be escalated any further than just “friends”, I would be fine with that. Also, if I am annoying her I would rather stop approaching her than continuing being annoying

Thanks for spending the time to read through this and thanks in advance for anyone that provides advice :D. Writing this has itself cleared things up for me but it would be good to get a 3rd person view on it. This is a summary of the questions I still have:

– Why is she acting differently online than she is acting in person?

– Am I being annoying in my messages or in general?

– The reason the online conversation stops is because she doesn’t reply to my last message. Should I stop refraining from sending multiple consecutive messages? I try not to because I see it as annoying

– Should I ask her to a movie again (or something else)?

– Am I worrying too much? (I probably am) It’s just that I really like her and I want to catch and work on any problems early on

– Any advice on getting friendlier before the end of semester? In the current state of our friendship, I guess she might forget me by next semester 😀

– I barely know what I want from this friendship (probably because I’m new to talking to girls) but do you have any idea what she wants?

Thanks SO much!

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2 thoughts on “Am I annoying her?

  1. missmaria says:

    [So from what I can surmise; the talking in length about your lives, the messaging and her invitation to go with her on an errand run is a big fat “No you’re not annoying”. If I find someone unbearable to interact with but will be polite in their presence, I wouldn’t spend an hour talking about my childhood, things I like, my friends, plans for the future etc. Nor would I invite that person to come and stand in line at a Post Office or pick items for my dinner for the week.

    As with your Facebook messaging, not knowing HOW you write to her and what you say makes it difficult to know how she feels and why you feel that insecurity when you both interact online. You can only be annoying if you are consistently messaging her around the clock without breathing space and not giving her the chance to respond.

    However, what is really telling about how someone feels is the body language. I have guy friends that I can talk in length to about anything and go places with without any desire to take it to relationship city. This shows because our body language is completely platonic and neither us are making flirty moves that suggests we wanted to be more than friends. Only you can observe from this point how she responds when you two are together.

    So I’ll leave you with these points:

    – Stop worrying, it does nothing beneficial apart from turning you into a wreck. You can’t control how she feels about you.
    – Don’t stress about needing to be funny or something else to impress her. If someone likes you, they should take you as you are.
    – The same goes for “getting friendlier”, you shouldn’t have to force something that isn’t already natural, and the fact that she talks to you and actively seeks you out when she sees you first, shows you’re already friendly.
    – Not knowing this girl and only knowing her from you say is impossible to gauge what she wants, but do hold off on the messaging consistently if she’s not replying back.
    – Try asking her out to the movies again. If she accepts, great! If she refuses, don’t lose heart and perhaps chalk it up her not being that keen on you that way. You won’t have failed by asking. I usually find that when two people like each other, the keen interest in each other is mutual and equal without one person having to do all the chasing or initiation.

    Gosh, I hope I made sense and don’t neglect your studies!

  2. N Ryder says:

    [Let me start by saying, I used to have the same fears with just about any person I talked to. Still do, sometimes, especially when I have a crush on them. They only way I get over it is just ignoring the feeling that I’m being annoying and talking to people anyway. So, congratulations, you’ve got that going for you already!

    I think missmaria’s correct, she doesn’t seem annoyed with you. Her reactions to you online could be a lot of things. Some people just don’t like to communicate online. It feels disconnected and distant. Also, she’s said she’s really busy, so she may be limiting her interactions because she doesn’t want to be distracted (I do this all the time). I understand how it’s frustrating that she doesn’t seem interested in talking to you online, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t like you.

    My suggestion would be to tell her how you feel. Include the fact that you think you’d be fine if it didn’t become romantic. But at some point before the end of the semester, you should let her know that you’d like to continue the friendship. I’m willing to bet she’d be happy to do that much, at least.

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