Involved with a good friend?

Currently I am involved with a good friend of mine- it’s been going on for about 4 months now. Prior to this we had been flirting on and off for a few years, but had only become a more serious thing about eight months after I had broken up with my boyfriend. It was just meant to be a fun, casual and laid back thing; hooking up here and there but nothing serious (it was agreed that if it became something more to either of us, we would call it off). Now I’m stuck as I don’t see it going further, nor do I wish to pursue a relationship like that; I just don’t see myself with him. It gets tricky here as I really value him as a friend- he brightens my day and I miss him when I don’t see or speak to him. Also, we work together (part time), which makes this situation even harder. We’ve had the conversation to stop doing what we’re doing, but somehow we always end up falling back into it. I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t keep doing this anymore. We’re essentially stopping each other from meeting someone special by staying together because we’re comfortable in our situation; it’s more convenient to stay together and avoid the drama. It’s extremely difficult as we’re all extremely close within our friendship group and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for others.
I don’t know how to approach this situation, and feel that maybe a point of view from the outside looking in may be helpful.

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One thought on “Involved with a good friend?

  1. C.Munro says:

    [It depends on how your friend feels about the situation. If he’s of a similar mindset to yours, then I’d say just tell him why you need to stop what you’re doing, and maintain the will to stick with that.

    But if he wants to be in a relationship with you, chances are you’re going to lose the friendship you had with him. You might remain friends of a sort, but it will probably be a less-close friendship, and most likely you will drift apart in the near future. And there’s not really anything you can do to prevent that. In this scenario, your best chance at maintaining some kind of friendship is telling him as soon as you can and being honest about your own feelings. That will reduce the chance that he will feel like you strung him along.

    I’ve learned not to trust it when somebody says they just want to “have some fun” with no-strings-attached sex. Very few of them actually mean it. Some people will say anything they think you want to hear if it will get you in bed with them, but sometimes it’s just a case of physical intimacy leading to emotional intimacy. Either way, though, I find that extricating oneself from such a situation is never anything but messy and unpleasant.

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