I love a girl unconditionally.I’ve changed myself to every possible extent she likes.She does love me.But she fell in love with an asshole (whom she considers to be a nice person).He was in a relationship and lied to her that he wasn’t which was the reason she started getting feelings for him?
Now that she knows hes committed, she doen’t want a relationship with him,just wants to be friends with him. She thinks too much about him,cries for him.He is an opportunist…he wants to talk/text/meet her when his girlfriend isn’t available.Seeing her suffering is giving me immense pain.I can’t think of any other girl but her.Iv been hurt crazily and i have lost interest in life.I don’t wanna leave her cause im the only close person to her she depends(she’ll be shatterd if i left).I can’t leave her too.Iv got so attached to her that i cant spend a min thinking of her.I know she’s a wreck but i still wanna love her,nurture her.
also she knows me from 8 years and gotta that piece of shit hardly an year ago.This literally burns my ass.
hes hurt her infinitely and iv loved her,taken care of her and supported her infinitely.
we’d smooched,made out etc.
but now she refuses to kiss me on my lips cause she gets him on her mind.The fact that she smooched me thinking of him is undigestable to me.
im really hurt and depressed.
She says she can’t take decisions now as shes scared where she might lose me.Hes still on her mind.The more he ignores her,the more she thinks of him and suffers.im suffering seeing this and goin into depression.my life,career,everything is taking a hit.
why am i so unlucky?
Ive always been the nicest person to her.
is it why im getting hurt like this?
why do nice people suffer the most while inhuman assholes live a happy life?
what do i do?
LemonVibe 
[What you do is realize that there are plenty of other women out there, and this girl isn’t everything.
Yeah, I understand you’re hurting. Yeah, I know you believe she’s The One. But that doesn’t mean the hurt will last forever, or that you won’t find others. In fact, the moment you’re ready to let her go is the moment you’ll be ready to move on with your life.
The problem is, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to let her go yet. And that’s a decision only you can come to.
[I feel compelled to give you a heads up that you aren’t going to like the advice I’m about to write, but I hope you stick with me and give it all serious consideration, as I have a fair familiarity with some of things you say you’re currently feeling.
Ultimately, you need to distance yourself from this girl; she is not good/healthy for you.
The first clue to this fact are your first two sentences. You shouldn’t have to change yourself for her to love you. More disturbingly so…the only people who should have your unconditional love are those within your family, and even that could be somewhat of a stretch and limited to a short list. Unconditional love is a STRONG thing to claim. I’m 34 and it wasn’t until my niece was born that I felt I had a good grasp on what unconditional love truly felt like.
She has become toxic. Think of it from a 3rd Person Perspective. If someone came up to you and said someone in their life has hurt them so much that they have lost interest in life…but still can only think about that one person; what would you’re advice consist of? Would you tell them to stick it out and eventually he/she will come around and proclaim their undying love?
YOU need to focus on YOU. If you believe you have begun to fall into a depression that has impacted your entire life, based on things connected to her, then you need to begin distancing yourself immediately. You know what’s causing your own pain…so why continue to put yourself through it?
While I will concede that Yes, sometimes love requires struggling through some hard, and possible painful moments, this is not one of those. while you state that she loves you, she obviously doesn’t show you the same level of devotion you claim to be showing her. Why are you willing to compromise your own feelings and self-worth for someone who apparently wasn’t even willing to love the REAL you? You had to change yourself to every possible extent of things that she likes [your own words].
As for feeling unlucky, and feeling like the Nice is coming in 2nd after Asshole…I don’t see you as the unlucky one. To me, she obviously is not someone deserving of your time, efforts, and even love. Love is a two way street, a partnership, and all she’s giving you is pain and misery…all of which you have allowed her bring into your life. The way I see it…you’re lucky because she’s NOT the one for you.
I’m going to wrap things up here with a link to a blog article I wrote regarding Nice Guys, as you had many key words that triggered in my mind that you classify yourself as one…and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt slighted by a girl who has ended up going for a guy you felt was an ‘asshole’.
Don’t let your focus on the definition of e nice guy, and a bad boy/asshole cloud your ability to just being a decent person and human being. Here’s that piece: https://insidetheniceguy.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/the-wrong-type-of-nice-guy/
Please take everything I’ve written here to heart, and give it serious consideration.
Above all else good luck, and please feel welcome to ask for more help if you ever feel necessary; whether it be by coming here, talking to friends or family, or even a professional.
[Sorry i accidentally downvoted your “helpful” score because I didn’t know clicking the right side of the button would do the opposite of what I wanted.
[It’s all good. We’ll just consider it a donated Helpful vote to your excellent reply too. 🙂
[Helpful votes are not a zero-sum game on LemonVibe! You don’t have to donate a vote to give a vote. :-p
[You are a classic case of the “nice guy/friendzone”. There are a few things I want to touch on here so I’m gonna break it down into sections.
First, why doesn’t she like you?
You’re so good to her. You love her unconditionally. You’re always there for her and always have been and she is always on your mind. She is the most important thing in your life, why can’t she see that?
I think you’re just another victim of this common misconception that what a woman wants is a man to take care of her. So you think, if you take care of her, meet all her needs and become completely selfless, there is no reason you shouldn’t earn the right to her most intimate relationship.
The first problem with this is something Matt already touched on and that is you’re not being selfless because you’re doing things with the expectation that you should get something back. If you didn’t have that expectation, you would not use words like “unlucky”. You would love her and that would be enough for you.
The second problem is that most women are actually looking for a lot more than someone who likes them a lot. You have made her the center of your universe, you bend over backwards for her, and she knows you always will. She likes having you around because it makes her feel safe and secure but you’ve lost everything that makes you you. You’re boring.
Take back your life. Do things you want to do and don’t let her be a part of it. This will take time, but you need to do it.
You say you don’t want to leave her. I’m not going to tell you to do that, but you need to spend less time with her. You guys seem to have some kind of co-dependent relationship and you would both do well to learn to be without each other.
Second, you’re not depressed because a girl doesn’t like you.
You’re depressed because you’ve made this the most important thing ever and it’s not. You seem to believe that the universe has made you the butt of some cosmic joke, that you are just cursed and that your life is falling apart because this girl isn’t in love with you. But really you’re just a guy in love with a girl who doesn’t love him that way and I’ve never met a person who hasn’t gone through that. You’re problem is that you won’t accept it and you think that you can earn her love. People don’t fall in love with actions, they fall in love with people, and if she is not in love with you, you cannot convince her to be.
So what should you do?
Lose the idea that her loving you will solve all your problems. Forget about being everything she wants you to be. Learn to be who you want to be, for you, for the sake of having your own life that is not dictated by her. You don’t have to abandon her, but also realize she needs to be able to stand on her own two feet, and sometimes the best thing you can do it back off.
(Also, see my own related blog post on “Nice Guys” http://natattack.com/niceguys.html)
[Yes, what N said. And definitely read her blog post….
[Well in my opinion, neither of you are doing healthy things. You changing yourself for someone isn’t healthy and having someone depend on you as their only source of support isn’t healthy either. It will wear both people out.
It seems to me that she is into him and you are into her and none of that is going to change unless someone chooses to change it. At this point it might have to be you.
If you can find a way to detach from her, where you can help her as a friend but not get involved with what she is doing. Or find someone else who likes you for you.
And for the record just because you have been nice to her and have changed yourself for her, she doesn’t owe you anything, she doesn’t have to be with you or kiss you or anything.
So you get to decide what you need to do, self pity is not going to help you. You get to choose whether or not you surround yourself with people who appreciate you, and you get to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on.
Sorry if I am blunt.