How stupid i feel after a one night stand

I’ve been single for months and i got bored spending evenings having dinner by myself or with friends or with parent. I went on dates but didn’t sleep with any of them because i didn’t like their personalities neither nor no chemistry. Some were very obvious they wanted sexual encounters.

Then my friend suggested Tinder. It was fun killing time. There are many attractive guys in the area–most of them don’t live here. It was like somewhat an ego boost that i’ve gotten many matches. I put in my profile that i was looking for friends to hang out, dining out and trying new cool spots in town. Not looking for hook ups or casual sex.

Anyway, I matched a cute guy. He’s 28 and I’m 33. He stated in his profile he lives over 1000km away from me but he came in town. Anyway, i complimented his photos. We started chatting and he asked if i had any plans that evening. I was busy with work so i didn’t reply. The next day, in the afternoon, he asked me again to meet that evening and i thought.. fine by me. He gave me his number and Line ID then we met for a nice Japanese dinner. I offered to share the bill because i didn’t want to take advantages of him. After that, we hanged out at a cool bar. He said he often came to the city i live, almost every month. We started drinking and having flowing conversations. We discussed about many topics. Work, life, philosophy and relationship. I started to get tipsy and started to kiss him on lips. Then he looked a little bit surprised with wide opened eyes. I told him he was very cute. He really was cute, funny, witty, incredibly smart, very active and very social. We kissed and talked a bit more. Anyway, i told him i couldn’t go to his place because i parked my car elsewhere and need to take it out before midnight since i didn’t want a one night stand to happen. But he seemed to wait it and ,admittedly, i wanted it with him too.

He accompanied me to pick my car. Before we went to his hotel, i asked him he wasn’t in any kind of relationship. He said he broke up with his ex gf a month ago. That’s why he went to Tokyo to see his friends 2 weeks ago before coming here.

At his room, we joked, we laughed and we talked even more and more. He tried to impress me and acting mature and that made me smile. He never flooded compliments or being cheesy but i liked that. I convinced myself i hadn’t had sex for a long time and this would be a one time thing.

After it’s done, he asked me to scratch his back and we cuddled for a while and fell asleep. Then morning sex.. then scratch his back. He asked if we could meet each other again when he come back next month. I said i would be traveling to a neighbor country and he asked where and he said he would like to go with me too. I was surprised to here that. Then he told me to send an itinerary to his email address—he gave me his full name and his email address to me. However, he told me he had an appointment at a hospital this morning (he mentioned that he had unknown cause of headache that bothers him) so we got dressed. When we were downstairs, i was about to walk to my car, then he asked me to have breakfast with him then asked me to drop him at a hospital.

After we departed, i didn’t expect to hear from him again. I tried not to get emotionally attached. Then when i got home, he texted me saying his MRI result was normal. His blood tests came back normal as well. I told him take it easy.

Then in the afternoon he texted me and asked me to hang out with him before he flew back. At first i hesitated because i felt weird… but it was my day off and i didn’t want to stay at home all day so i agreed to go. He was the one do the talking and asked me opinions about things. I was happy inside but tried to act cool.

When we got to the place, it was a gypsy market in a very hot sunny day. It was crowded and i frowned briefly and looked away but didn’t say a word but he seemed to get it and we did a boat trip instead. Before we went on seperate ways, he kissed me on my lips and still texted me saying we would meet soon, let him know about my upcomng trip soon before he flew back.

He flew back 3-4 days ago and I haven’t heard from him after since. I know this would happen. What could i expect from a one night stand? I did enjoy the sex with him and having him around. I’m just confused why he gave me “we’ll meet soon” crap when he didn’t intend to meet me again. I know i analyze too much. It wouldn’t change the fact it was just a one night stand and it wouldn’t turn into anything more.

I wish i didn’t stay for breakfast.. neither nor going out with him on the second day afternoon. He made me feel special and it made me grow a feeling for him. Stupid me i fall for him. Now i have to move on but i’m missing him…

6 thoughts on “How stupid i feel after a one night stand

  1. resullins says:

    [This guy is married. He has a family back home. Probably kids. And he’s trying to set you up as his fling in another country.

    That SUCKS, and I feel bad for you. But it happened, and the thing you need to remember now is NOT to let yourself get swept off your feet by sweet-talking, handsome strangers that are only in town once a month. In fact, I’d be willing to be he actually lived nearby, since he was supposedly having important medical tests done there. Hell, I know I don’t fly to Canada for an MRI. Maybe for an experimental surgery that they wouldn’t do here, but that’s about it.

    This all sounds fishy. You have the right idea… you need to NOT get attached. Ok, so you say you’re already a little attached. That’s ok. Un-attach yourself! DO IT! And remember, Tindr is for exactly what you just got. One night stands. You can say you’re looking for friends on that thing all you want… but the entire reason people troll Tindr is for a hookup. So get off that thing! If you want friends, get off of dating sites all together. Get on a site like (I don’t know if they have something like that in Europe, but I’d guess they do). And look for friends of both sexes. Because frankly, looking for friends of only the male persuasion is a little fishy in and of itself.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Well, at least it sounds like you know what you need to do rationally. That’s the important part.

    Not to excuse his behavior, because I think what he did is pretty shitty, but it’s likely that he just got caught up in the moment and said things he really didn’t mean deep down… or things he only felt fleetingly. And once he left, those relationship-y feelings went away.

    I know I was guilty of doing this myself plenty of times when I was younger. If I was enjoying the time I was spending with someone new, I’d end up saying and acting way more affectionately than I was actually feeling. But then, I’d get home, and I’d kick myself and think, “Why in the world did I say all that stuff to her?”

    The funny thing is, sometimes this would turn the girl off, but other times, she would like me more. I had only myself to blame if I turned her off, but yeah, it was not a nice thing to do if she already liked me, and my words and actions made her like me even more.

    Again, though, this doesn’t excuse the behavior. I just want to shed some light on why he may have acted the way he did after your one-night stand. I know you know you need to get over him, so maybe this dose of cynicism will help speed that along for you.

    Good luck, and remember, there are plenty of other guys to swipe out there.

  3. Taurwen says:

    [It seems like you just aren’t hard wired for one night stands. Which is fine. But I find the truth is, most people aren’t callous after a one night stand, they still like the other person as a person, they’re still going to be polite, and happy, if not incredibly awkward. If you’re going to view those things as interest in a future relationship then you have to just accept that you can’t do the one night stand thing without getting hurt.

    That being said, this guy sounds sketchy. I don’t know where you live exactly, but where I’m from most decent sized towns have a hospital capable of MRIs, you aren’t travelling over 1000km unless you have an idea of what you’re looking for and a specific big-city hospital specializes in it. When I was young the only time we didn’t go to a local hospital was when we went to the one that specialized in children, and even that was only 75km away. Maybe it was a typo and you meant 100km, but even that seems like a stretch unless there were really no hospitals closer to him, which seems odd.

    But really, whether or not this guy is/did play you is not the issue, don’t talk to him again. Let yourself mourn what might have been. Whatever. Know that you can’t do it again. Understand yourself well enough to realize you aren’t made out for hooking up with no expectations.
    If you want friendship on Tindr then make it so you’re only seeing women (and make it explicitly clear even in your interactions, not just your profile) that you just want to hang out. If you want male friendships join another site, a meet up, a club, something that didn’t come into being around the idea that people just want to hook up.

    • tommylicious says:

      [I apologize for not making it clear. I live in Bangkok, Thailand and he lives in Singapore. He is originally a Canadian-English and moved to Singapore a few years ago for work.

      He mentioned that he would spend double price of MRI scan there. That’s why he came here for both-medical issue and a holiday.

      I’m traveling to Hanoi, Vietnam for a holiday soon. Hopefully I get over this fling completely and enjoy my holiday.

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