Don’t know what to do

So, I first met this girl like 2 years ago. We had a lot of friends in common and we engaged in small talks when we hanged out all together, but we only started talking seriously like 3 months ago.
We found that we had really good chemistry, and for like 2 months we talked every day up to very late in the night. I visited her home weekly (invited by herself) and we went to a lot of places together. She came to my place and spent countless hours hearing me play the guitar or reading with me.
I’m a very shy guy, and I don’t have a lot of friends (quite the opposite). I was diagnosed with depression five months ago, after I broke up a very unhealthy relationship and my grandpa (the only member of my family I really cared about) died. She was trying to make me open myself a little more, and I felt I was getting better.

I thought of her as just a really good friend, until the day when I went to her house and saw her ex-boyfriend was there too. I got really jealous and left with an stupid excuse. I was really confused because I discovered that she was more than a friend to me.

Since that day, she suddenly stopped talking to me. She don’t approach me to talk anymore, and don’t ask me to go anywhere. I tried doing it myself, and I got rejections and short messages. Now I’m feeling depressed all over again, because I had something really nice and now I don’t. I don’t talk to anyone besides my co-workers. I just play the guitar all day long (hey, at least I’m getting really good!).

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what were her feelings about me, I was afraid to ask for fear of ruining the friendship. She often demonstrated her affection with hugs, taking my hand while we walked, etc. but she never did anything “really” romantic, like kissing me.

My head is a big mess right now. I miss her dearly, but I have no clue on how to proceed.

Sorry about my English btw, I’m still working on it. I very much welcome any corrections! Sorry about the messy redaction as well, I’m really making an effort opening up to strangers and I just wrote it as it came from my mind.
Btw, I’m 20 years old and she is 19. It’s been nearly a month since we last talked. I was undergoing psychological treatment, but I dropped it two weeks ago because I felt it wasn’t helping.

9 thoughts on “Don’t know what to do

  1. resullins says:

    [Ok… there are a few red flags here. The first one being you quit your psychological treatment. Please please please reconsider going back to some sort of therapy. This is a trying time in your life, and it’s only going to get worse if you don’t deal with it.

    The second flag would be that you have apparently tried to talk to her and are getting shut down. Can you elaborate on that? Is she not answering? Is she answering rudely? Is she just being short? There are a lot of different ways to deal with that, but I need to know what exactly is happening.

    P.S…. your English is quite good. Better than a lot of native speakers that I’ve responded to! Keep it up.

    • MrHarp says:

      [Don’t worry, as I said to Dennis, I kinda “rage quitted” the treatment, but I will make an effort to return to it. I really need it, as my natural response for overcoming sadness is hurting myself in different ways.

      I will probably take Dennis’ advice, try to open myself a little more, make new friends and move on. But since you asked, I answer: when I tried talking to her, her responses were short, rude, or both. For example, when I texted her asking if she wanted to go to the theater with me, I got a “No, thanks” two days later; like she were REALLY trying to put distance between us. I obviously gave up quickly.

      Thanks for taking the time to answer, you helped a lot. And thanks for the compliment! It’s good to know that I can effectively communicate with real humans in English : ).

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Pretty much what Res says. From what you’ve described, I urge you to reconsider therapy. Please keep in mind that therapy is a long-term process. It won’t magically fix you in just a few weeks or even months. You have to be patient and work hard for therapy to work.

    As for the girl, I know this is going to be difficult to hear, but I suggest that you walk away and don’t be friends with her, for the time being at least. It’s clear that she has no romantic feelings for you, and I don’t see this going well if you continue to hang out with her. It’s only going to make it harder for you to get over her.

    At the same time, I think you should be making an effort to make other friends. I understand that you’re shy, and because of that, you’re going to latch on to that one single friend you’ve made. But that’s just not healthy for you right now, given your feelings. The more you make an effort to make other friends, the more easily you’ll be able to get over this girl.

    Of course, the impression I’m getting is that you *don’t* want to get over this girl. It sounds like you’re still holding onto this hope that she might feel the same way.

    Well, let me assure you, this girl does *not* like you in the way you like her. Sure, she cares about you, but you are squarely in the friend zone now. Please accept that and move on.

    • MrHarp says:

      [I very well know that therapy isn’t magical. I’ve been on therapy since I’m 15 years old – I started because of a bad case of domestic violence. Really, I kinda “rage quitted”.

      I’m not really expecting anything but a friendship. I enjoyed her friendship a lot, and losing it all of a sudden was a hard hit for me.
      Anyways, it seems that the best will be to move on, although it will be pretty difficult.

      I will try to start making some friends. I just joined a local guitar players group, that’s something!

      Many, many thanks for taking the time to answer. You helped a lot.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Gotcha, thanks for clarifying.

      Yeah, I think a guitar player’s group is a great idea. You sound like you have some talent, so why not use that to help yourself make friends? Good luck with this!

    • resullins says:

      [But at this point you know that just a friendship isn’t really possible. You like her more than a friend. I have to say I agree that moving onis probably your best bet.

    • MrHarp says:

      [Once again, thanks to you both! You don’t know how much that helped me to clarify my ideas. I was deceiving myself thinking that I could sustain a friendship with her when clearly my intentions are different.

      All the best to you two.

    • MrHarp says:

      [Hey, hi!
      It’s been a month since I posted this, and I just wanted to say that everything is going so much better now.
      The guitar player’s group meetings are awesome. I made a handful of good friends. We don’t just share musical interests, but we hang out regularly as well! I felt very welcomed and I’m slowly trying to overcome my shyness.
      I never heard of the girl again – but I don’t really care. I moved on and turned the page.
      That’s not everything – I got a promotion in my job, and with the extra money plus some savings I was able to buy the guitar of my dreams! A Jackson’s Pro King V KVT. Have some pics:

      Just wanted to thank you again profusely 🙂 all the best!

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Hey man, that’s great to hear. I’m glad things are going well for you, and… wow, nice guitar. 🙂

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