Am i being bad?

me and my boyfriend took a break and it was literally for a week but I found out he had sex with this girl, he didn’t tell me i just worked it out then he admitted it.
Hes getting angry at me for being upset about it.
Am i being a bad girlfriend for getting upset?
I havent shouted at him for it because he was technically single.
but is it wrong of me to get upset?
I dont know what he expected me to be like…

10 thoughts on “Am i being bad?

  1. kerplunkLYN says:

    [I think it is perfectly reasonable to feel hurt. I would feel devastated if in your position & being upset by what he’s done is not “being a bad girlfriend,” it’s being human.

    The problem is, since you were broken up, you can’t hold this over his head so the way you deal with your hurt will be really important.

    Can I ask why you broke up in the first place & whether you or he did the breaking up? That will help guide my suggestion on how to cope.

    • kerplunkLYN says:

      [So how did you get back together? What were you stressing him out about? I’m sorry, without more details, it’s hard to tell you anything but “yeah, you have every right to be upset” but “technically, no, you can’t use it against him.”

    • Soanes says:

      [it was more sort of I was just being a bit of a bitch because things happened e.g. I had a miscarriage.
      He asked for me back and then wasn’t going to tell me but his sister told me thinking he wouldve told me. (He went back to stay with his mum while we were on a break)

  2. MizWorld says:

    [Since I have been in this EXACT situation, I am going to chime in. When my my bf and I were on a break trying to “figure out” whether we really were in love and going to get more serious or just wanting to move forward separately, he slept with his ex-wife AND a previous lover. Being great at avoiding confrontation, he never shared the part about the ex lover. She lives hundreds of miles away and he was i that area taking his son to a camp and it just happened, but I was really upset that he did not share it. He even texted me the night it happened and I asked what he was up to but he just managed to omit some important details. I found out months later and it made me really mad, but “spoiler alert”: we now live together, just had a baby and will eventually get married. (Eventually, because he has been in a 4 year custody and other issues battle with his ex wife so they are technically not legally divorced, but he owns his home without her and I met him way after they legally separated, so we were not cheating, and they are ABSOLUTELY not getting back together.) So you need to determine whether you value the relationship more or to be right about this one incident. If you trust him in every other way, and he is not actually a cheater, it may be best to acknowledge your hurt but let it go. You said you were “being a bitch” to him so that sounds like that may be the reason he didn’t come clean in the first place. I know my bf is a great guy and very honest and trustworthy, but like most men, he avoids emotional drama like the plague. Your guy probably was just worried how you would react. I am not saying that justifies bad behavior, but if you show him that he CAN be honest with you without getting chewed out (and you were on a break so he didn’t TECHNICALLY do anything wrong) then he may be less afraid in the future to be completely open. If you want to actually try to work things out, I would say acknowledgethe incident and your feelings about it, have a brief but rational discussion (ie be civil, not emotional) and move on. And that also means don’t bring it up for future arguments too. If he actually cheats or lies again after that THEN yes, move on without him.

    • Soanes says:

      [I voted the wrong thing but thank-you this is perfect. I’m going to discuss it with him when I next see him (we don’t live together) Youve proved to me that it is possible to make it and i love him so im going to try ❤

  3. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [This is why I don’t even think “taking a break” from a relationship should even exist.

    You are either together, or you’re not. There is no in between. Taking a break becomes so ambiguous. What are the rules? Who defines them? Are both parties on the same page?

    For me, if I were asked to define what “taking a break” is, it would be almost exactly similar to the idea of “needing some space”. In either case you’re still technically together; just one party needs time to sort whatever sh** out that they need to. Based on that definition, you’re technically still together so sleeping with someone else shouldn’t even be an option on the table.

    Now, you’ve said in another one of your comments that he was the one who broke up with you. This would imply that the two of you were not together; not a couple, not in an exclusive relationship.

    Based on that alone it seems apparently clear that the two of you were not together, so I have to agree with kerplunk…

    While it’s understandable that you’d be upset (he did sleep with another girl within a week of breaking up with you; and then ask for you to take him back not too long after); you can’t really hold it against him.

    You’ll have to determine what you can handle, and what you need to get over his actions. Do you think you can “forgive” him…or forget…and still carry on a relationship with him?

    I do, whole-heartedly, feel for you having to go through something like a miscarriage; and understand that going through an experience like that isn’t something easy. While we don’t know exactly how you were “being a bitch”, or causing him stress, during that time, and whether he was being supportive, mean, nice, etc., it’s a crappy situation.

    If I can offer any type of advice, it sounds like the two of you need to take some time to sort your own personal feelings, and lives out based on what you’ve gone through.

  4. kerplunkLYN says:

    [I’m struggling with this whole scenario. If we take the chain of events as truth (even if one-sided), this is how it went down:

    1) OP has a miscarriage
    2) Due to said miscarriage trauma, OP behaves like a bitch
    3) Boyfriend is stressed over OP’s bitchiness, so he dumps her
    4) Within a week, he finds a new (or former) sexual partner
    5) But quickly changes mind and he wants her back
    6) OP should ignore sexual partner because they were broken up because of her bitchiness??

    I don’t know … this wouldn’t fly with me. After one emotional trauma, he quickly inflicted two more (break up + having sex with another).

  5. C.Munro says:

    [I guess it depends on one’s definition of “on a break.” Personally, I think on a break means a brief, temporary step back for perspective, and that it’s counter-productive to allow somebody else to complicate things during that time. In other words, taking a break should be time for solitary reflection, not pursuing other opportunities.

    • MizWorld says:

      [I think there are too many unknown factors (that OP left out, and from the other side of the story). People are human and don’t always make the right decisions. We are changeable and you cannot fit behavior into neat little boxes. Good people mess up, and bad people can have good qualities. If this guy PERPETUALLY runs when things are difficult or bad, or is a serial cheater, that is a red flag and OP should just move on. But if the relationship previous to this incident was otherwise good, maybe just proceed with caution. It seems like so many people these days have a “one strike and you’re out” policy. And that is why a lot of people are single. Not that it is a bad thing. But no one is perfect. And I am the first person to tell someone not to stick around for chronically bad behavior. But again, OP did not give enough detail to draw a solid conclusion. If you really love someone it is hard to be objective, to be sure, but if this was a one time thing, I say it is more of a “yellow” flag than “red”.

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