she fell for me and i pushed her away

A girl I met, we had an intense first couple of meetings. In bed she would exclaim “you’re amazing” with a cute voice and have a sparkle in her eye. She was great. And sweet with words.
The more I got to know her the more I found out about her. She has a lot of close guy friends , which is cool, she grew up with them. But she also gets obliterated drunk with them too and confesses she ‘blacks outs ‘. This I couldn’t deal with, this relationship was fresh and I didn’t build up any form of trust.
So I ended up just ending it with her. She was devasted.
I’m not hyping myself up here. That’s just how it went.
Now, I’m stuck with regret of ending it, everything was great except me getting concerned about her being drunk around guys.
I don’t know why but I’m sad and depressed about it. She hasn’t tried contacting me and vice versa. I guess I should just let this be a short and sweet chaptor of my life. But I can’t get her out of my mind ….and it bothers me that I ended it . Do I leave it or do I contact her. …I think she’s moved on

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2 thoughts on “she fell for me and i pushed her away

  1. EricaSwagger says:

    [It sounds to me like you know yourself pretty well, and excessive drinking is a perfectly reasonable “deal breaker” imo. You’re feeling guilty because she was so hurt, but you’re dwelling on it because she hasn’t contacted you since. It’s going to sting for a while because while you did hurt her first, your ego is a little bruised that she isn’t still upset about it, and this is normal. It’ll pass.

    If you contact her again you’ll only bring up bad feelings for her, and then what, end up dating someone who you don’t see eye to eye with about alcohol? That’s too important a factor to ignore in a relationship. You made the right decision in ending it, I think.

  2. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I agree with Erica that you’re likely still feeling the sting from how upset she was. I’m also assuming from the way to described things about her, and your relationship, you had genuine feelings for her, aside from the praised sex; so it’s only natural that you may have your doubts.

    HOWEVER…

    Her excessive drinking is a completely valid concern for you to have. In my opinion you could take out the part about it being with her other guy friends. Excessive drinking can be a problem, especially if she’ll black out.

    A few years back I was dating someone with, what I considered, a drinking problem. Any time she drank it was never just a single drink; and almost every time she ended up more/less drunk. Not obliterated every time, but she had her moments of blacking out.

    I could bore you with numerous stories of my experiences with her drinking, all of the fights it caused, and the stress it added to our relationship, but I’m sure you have a pretty decent idea where this all could lead.

    Your regret comes from all of the good you saw in the relationship, but it’s also you trying to justify her drinking. There were times I thought to myself, “I care about her, so I can’t leave her during these times.” You sticking around and essentially condoning her drinking won’t do either of you good.

    You just need a little time to get over things. Distract yourself with projects, friends, work…and if you feel up to it…dating again.

    You made the right choice to call things off before it got worse.

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