I’ve decided to wait for a girl. I’ve never been this sure, but have doubts.

So, for some background: We have been classmates in university for two years. We were friendly, worked really well together professionally. We made a great team. I always thought she was pretty but didn’t do anything about it, because the whole mixing pleasure with work thing. So we were friends, not close or anything, but just friends.

So cut to about 6 months ago. I was doing an internship in my home country, and she shows up there as well for an internship (she is also, originally from the same country). In the same city. She messaged me, and we hung out a few times. It was really nice. Nothing romantic, just getting to actually know each other, becoming closer friends. I started liking her, but wasn’t sure yet, so didn’t say anything. When it was almost time for the both of us to head back to uni, she got another internship. This meant that she wouldn’t be coming back to uni with our class. It’s an 8 month long internship, so I would be out of school when she gets back.

Anyway, so I left for uni, and she went to the other country for the internship. This is about 4 months ago. We’ve been texting almost everyday since then. With a few minor gaps (that felt a little like, who would break the silence first tests) but we both texted first equally as much. I was really falling for this girl despite the distance.

I love how ambitious she is, how hard working she is, how she is so open minded but still holds on to her core values, how she wants to travel the world, and how she always wants to learn. How she has the loudest laughter in the room. Her fashion sense is flawless, and holy shit, I think she is one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever met.

Ok here is where the issues begin:
For a while, my work started to get affected, largely I think because I wanted to tell her how I felt, but couldn’t bring my self to because of various reasons I thought up. It wasn’t fair to her. She is in a whole new country. Anything could happen. Is it right to let her have you on her conscience if she meets somebody she likes? What about the logistics of it all? I don’t know where I’m going to find work after all of this. Probably not here in the same city as the uni. So more long distance after all of this? And then the good old, don’t want to spoil this friendship. Cause we were pretty close other wise by then.

Side story but, pretty important. About 3 months ago she was still getting out of an abusive relationship. I hadn’t known before because she was ashamed to talk about it. But she finally told me when it got too hard to deal with on her own. The guy was a lying, cheating bastard. She is really loyal. He disrespected her and manipulated her. I helped her through it. I just lent a shoulder, well over text, and gave her the care and respect that she deserved. She was obviously very emotional and shaken up. But she came through with time. She’s so much happier now. Excited about life. Still has some horrible memories, but she is learning from them.

OK, back to main story. So, the stress was building in me to say something. It was the night before my final review. I was supposed to be working on my project, but all I was thinking about was her. I stopped working and messaged her. I didn’t want to say I like her or anything. Because I’m done with that part of my life (more like just skipped it). I decided I wanted to plain and simple ask her out, but, it was weird because, it was some sort of weird way in the future date. (this was about a month ago) She had told me how no one had taken her out on a date just a few hours ago, and how she’s so tired of people trying to hook up with her.

So I said “it’s confusing to me how no one has asked you out on a date. I think you are an amazing girl, and I would love to take you out on a date. But your in (place) now, so when at some point, we are in the same city, and you would let me, I’d love to take you out”

I got a “Im just a little emotionally screwed up right now, so I don’t want to put that on you. but, yeah sure we can!” “It took me a long time to get over my previous relationship, so I might take a while this time as well”

Well for me at that point, it was all I needed to hear. I was over the moon. Work happened at light speed.

We’ve still been texting, but obviously not as much. We have been texting straight for 4 months everyday, so conversation tends to taper off at least a little. We still have long talks every now and then.

I have doubts though. Some times there are long pauses. Maybe a hint of boredom. Maybe I’m coming on too strong? I’m really trying to dial it down. Because we’re not in a relationship, and I can’t really have any expectations. There have been mention of a few douche bags that were trying to get to her. But not as much after I asked her out. She hung out with one of them because she needed friends, and she admitted that she thought that he looked good. But she didn’t want another douche bag in her life. He wanted to hook up. And used to try to make out with three girls on the same night. And she quickly started to hate him. And decided that it was worth loosing on the other friends, just to loose him. So she has been just doing her own thing.

So before I asked her out, I don’t think she ever looked at me as someone she would want to date. I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I’m happy the way I am, and also getting fitter everyday. This seems silly but, I know she at least is not disgusted by me because she complimented me on this beard im growing out haha. And you know an honest compliment. I know she likes me at the emotional level a lot. But, I know relationships are much stronger if there’s both emotional and physical chemistry.

Waiting for her, for me, would mean not letting anyone else have a chance I think. Because, well how would that work? And, possibly making pretty large career decisions based on this. Try to stay in the city, and find some sort of job for the time being. It’s not a blow to my career, but its a big move.

Ofcourse, I’ll be able to tell for sure, after we go on a few of those dates. But I’ll already would have had to make big decisions before that stage.

I just hope she isn’t being nice. I don’t think she would do that. I’m sure she would have been honest and told me she would have preferred to stay just friends when I asked her out. But, one has doubts.

What do you guys think I should do? Any questions?

Thanks

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7 thoughts on “I’ve decided to wait for a girl. I’ve never been this sure, but have doubts.

  1. Mizmycoli says:

    [I wish the lady in question would see my latest blog post http://mizmycolimusings.blogspot.com/2014/12/why-so-afraid.html?showComment=1419636206213#c262930026683065058

    Well, I think you shouldlet your inner light guide you.
    Sometimes, people are so afraid that they walk out on love without getting in first.

    Does she seem honest to you?
    Do you think putting your life on a hold of sorts for her is worth it?
    How much time are you willing to give her before making an ultimate decision?

    Here’s wishing you the best, and love too.
    I’m open to questions.

    • thinkstoomuch says:

      [She does seem very honest to me. She has a knack of being blunt without being mean. It’s a funny thing.

      Well, most of me thinks she is worth it. If that makes sense.

      Hmm. Well, since I have uni to focus on for the next 4 months atl east, I guess, about that long?

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [I don’t think she’s “afraid,” per your post.

      I think she’s just not that interested.

  2. Joanna says:

    [I don’t think it matters that she will graduate university after you. College is not a race to see who finishes first.

    • thinkstoomuch says:

      [Oh, sorry if it came across that way. What I meant by the college thing was that there aren’t as many career opportunities in this particular city. So, if I get out of college, it could mean that I’d have to move to another city for a job in my field.

    • Joanna says:

      [If you want to try a long-distance relationship with her, it’s quite common these days through technology.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    [I’ve been trying to give you a reply that’s supportive, but it’s not working. So all you’re going to get is “blunt.”

    First off, what exactly are you waiting for? An unenthusiastic, non-committal agreement to a first date that may or may never actually occur? For her to come home and fall just as hopelessly in love with you and for the two of you to spend the rest of your lives in eternal bliss?

    Please take a step back and re-read what you’ve written, objectively. I think you know, without a semblance of a doubt, that you’re way more into her than she is into you. At this point, the only hint you’ve received that she is interested is her half-hearted “yes” to your date request, which she then qualified that it might take her a while to come around.

    Objectively, does this sound like the words of a person who is actually excited to go out with you? Or does this sound more like the words of someone who is going through a rough time emotionally and soaking up the attention she is getting from someone she’s never been — and likely never will be — interested in?

    Yes, there is a slight chance that, one day, she might come around. I will grant you that. But I also promise you that this slight chance is not worth waiting around for. If you must (and I know you will), keep her in your mind, stay in touch with her, and don’t lose all hope that the two of you might hook up someday. But in the meantime, go out and date other people. Enjoy your single life. I promise you, doing so will help keep you grounded in reality.)

    Don’t put all your figurative romantic eggs in one basket, especially a basket as flimsy as the one you’re currently carrying for this girl.

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