Should I stay or should I go now?

I’ve known this guy for quite some time now, about 5 years. He tried talking to me first when I was in a relationship with another guy. At first I didn’t realize he wanted something more with me, so I thought we were just friends and he was an awesome person. Unfortunately once I found out he liked me more than a friend, I had to stop talking to him. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half until we broke up in January. That summer I messaged him on facebook to see if he was still interested. He seemed excited to talk to me again, and he was but after a few days of texting it seemed like the conversations were getting duller until they just stopped. It was around the holidays where we picked up again and one night he said he wanted to hang out with me later on that week. Once the day came, he cancelled and I decided to call him out and he said that it was cute because I got embarrassed. After that I stopped talking to him. We were at the same going away party for a friend in the army and he was acting normal and so was I. Then this other guy that had a big crush on me (Bob) came over to the party and I told the guy that I didn’t like how Bob acted around me. The guy didn’t like Bob either so we bonded over our dislike for Bob I guess. Once Bob came over to us, the guy came behind me and started playing with my hair and leaning on my back while I was sitting, it felt as if he was claiming me as his territory in a way, but he might of just been doing that coincidentally. Ever since then I felt the need to ask the guy why we never dated or even tried. Once my friend left to the army I knew I wasn’t going to see this guy for a while. I built up the courage and asked him one night and he said he had “personal issues”. I didn’t talk to him for two months until my friend from the army came back. My friend talks to him and she knows I’m interested him him so she meddled and made him feel bad for not dating me. So he randomly texted me and told me he still liked me and thought I was beautiful but that he had to resolve his personal issues first. He also told me not to wait if i find someone else. After that conversation he hasn’t texted me. I saw him this past weekend when we both went to say goodbye to our friend from the army. He acted normally I guess. So here’s my conflict: I over think things way too much. How is he going to say he likes me but doesn’t talk to me or make an effort to see me ever? We don’t text or anything. I feel like he said that out of pity because he knows I want to try with him because my friend hinted it towards him. I’m the type that will wait for him even though he said not to… I feel like if I do something with another guy it would ruin my chances, which is funny because the same day he texted me saying he still likes me, this other guy wanted to “hang out”. I didn’t though because I feel as if it’s wrong. Do you think he is? Should I ask him if he’s lying? I don’t want to sit around waiting unintentionally for a guy that could just simply be lying. I understand the whole personal issues thing and I’ll wait if he really does like me or if there is a chance but he doesn’t talk to me at all… Should I confront him? If I do should it be int ext, call, in person? Should I just wait it out? Or should I just drop it because he’s definitely lying? Thank you for reading my story and I’m sorry if I wasted your time.

3 thoughts on “Should I stay or should I go now?

  1. resullins says:

    [So many things wrong with this situation. First thing: you over think things. You said it yourself, and this is certainly no exception.

    To put it simply, this guy isn’t interested. Guys are simple creatures. If they want a steak, they’ll order a steak. If they want a girl, they’ll beat their chest and show off their manhood until they get her. This guy is both easily manipulated (into calling you and feeling guilty about not dating you) and he’s a manipulator (he’s manipulating the crap out of you, anyway).

    He is bad news. You deserve someone that’s really into you. This guy may be able to be coerced into a relationship… but you’ll find yourself doing all the work, making all the effort, and resenting him greatly for his lack of commitment.

  2. LCP says:

    [He told you not to wait for him, so don’t. You’ve spent way too long waiting on this guy who doesn’t like you. Maybe he did, maybe he still does, and maybe his “personal issues” got in the way, but if he really liked you, he’d be texting you back and hanging out with you. He’s not. So he’s not into you.

    Sounds like if you confront him, he’ll either tell you what you want to hear, or repeat that he’s not interested in dating you, and you should move on. I say skip that conversation and move on regardless.

    You’re a thoughtful person and you deserve someone who actually likes you enough to do something about it!

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    [“Personal issues” is guy code for “I’m just not that into you, and this is an easy way to let you down,” especially if he says that he has personal issues and leaves it at that.

    Now, of course, there are guys who do have personal issues, and they know they have personal issues. But if they’re really into a girl, they will make every effort to hide these personal issues from the girl, because obviously they don’t want to sabotage their chances with her.

    When you asked him why he never tried anything, in a way, that was you giving him a massive green light to seize the moment and try something. Anything.

    The fact that he didn’t, and in fact responded with an excuse… to be blunt, I think he made his answer pretty clear.

    If you frame his feelings this way, then everything else he’s said makes perfect sense — he’s not that into you, but doesn’t want to outright reject you.

    I agree with Res and LCP. I think it’s time to let this guy go and move on.

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