Ok, here goes…. Like the title says, I’m in love with a lesbian. She and I have known each other since high school, and we’ve dated a couple times over the years. The thing is, before we ever got together as kids, she was into girls. I never knew, and she was scared to tell me. We wound up breaking up, but staying friends, after which she came out to everyone. Then, about two years ago, she told me she wanted to try with me again. It took a lot of soul searching, and she was afraid of what people would say, because she’s more “butch”, but I decided to go for it. And we were great together. No fights, we enjoyed a lot of the same stuff, and had fun in the bedroom. After about six months, we got engaged, and everything was still going fine. Then, a few months later, she misses her monthly, and the home pregnancy test gives a positive. We both got kinda worried/excited, but after a couple weeks, we found out it was a false positive.
She started to get more and more withdrawn, and eventually broke up with me, because, she said,”I love you and love being with you, but I want to be with girls more.” She started crying, I started crying, the whole nine yards. We stayed friends, and there have been a couple girls since, but nothing lasts too long. And, hard as I try, I can’t stop feeling the way I did when we were together. I don’t show it, or act on it, but it’s there. It doesn’t help that she sometimes acts like she did before, either. There have even been a couple times, when we were both single, where she asked me to have sex with her. It causes me a lot of internal conflict, and I don’t know how to resolve it, because I love her as a friend, and am still in love with her at the same time. Does anyone have some advice on how to handle this? Other than copious amounts of alcohol? (Haha)