Six years ago I met my best friend. He was in a brand new relationship and I was dating around, a few months later I entered my own relationship. About a year ago, my relationship ended. About 4 months ago, his relationship ended. So to talk it to death, we both just got out of 5+ year things.
Throughout the past 6 years we have been close, talking at least a little almost every day and generally being good supports for each other, through good and bad. When my relationship ended and through the past year when I was very unhappy, he is who I turned to to vent my frustrations and everything. I was always who he came to when he needed advice or relationship help, etc. We were just great friends, truly.
Aside from like two or three isolated incidents, we never even really joked about dating each other. It really was platonic.
A few months ago when his relationship fell apart, I of course was right there for him. The first day it happened I helped him move out, and the following weekend I dragged him out with my friends to help distract him. It stayed very platonic while he processed his hurt and I continued to date other people.
About two months ago we slept together and now we’re (for all intents and purposes) in a relationship. It all happened very gradually and smoothly, and felt natural. He’s very good to me, and I him, and I see a lot for us in the future.
But. I have a couple of hang ups.
For one, he still talks to his ex girlfriend. This is a girl who he lived with, who manipulated him and made him compromise on everything, who eventually said she wasn’t getting enough from the relationship and ended up kissing a coworker and asking my friend for space, then immediately sleeping with the coworker the day after my friend moved out. This is a girl he had a six year relationship/friendship with, but who hurt him and cheated on him and never appreciated him. I understand it’s hard to sever all ties after 6 years, and that it’s only been a few months since this happened to them, but I don’t understand how he could want someone who treated him that way to stay in his life.
It makes me worry that I’m just a rebound or replacement. Is he with me because I was there when he needed someone? Is he with me out of habit? Did we fall into a routine by simply replacing our missing pieces with each other? OR, did we get together so quickly because maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along? Did we just ignore all the signs until we were both available to each other?
I want to believe that it’s the latter; that we were just always bound to happen. We eventually got here and we’re both happy. He has told me how glad he is now that all the stuff happened in both of our other relationships, because the result is that we’re together now.
I truly am happy with him but I want to be cautious still. He’s still so fresh from his breakup, and I’m at an age where anyone I commit to is someone I can see a long future with. I worry about our timing and whether or not one or both of us may not really be ready for a deep commitment.
I’m a practical Patty and an over-thinker, but I think my worries are smart here. I don’t know. What do you guys think?