To start, I know what I’m doing is wrong. But I don’t know what to do. I have a two year old with my fiance. We’ve been together for 4 years. He’s never treated me good. But when we break up he begs and pleads saying he’s going to change. And he does. For a matter of weeks. Well, I started a new job 2 months ago, and met a guy. An awesome guy. We’ve been seeing each other since. He didn’t care that I had a boyfriend at first. He said we were just having fun. But now that it’s getting more serious, it does. He gave me an ultimatum today. Either I break it off with my fiance, or he’s done. My head says my fiance, because it makes sense to be with him, but he’s not who I really want. I need advise.

7 thoughts on “CHEATER

  1. MargieCharles says:

    [To put it bluntly, you’re not in a good place

    It’s obvious you don’t want to be with your fiance. Your reasoning for even considering staying with him is because it “makes sense,” because you have a son together, and because sometimes he alters his behavior for about as long as a goldfish’s memory. Does that sound like a good foundation for a relationship?

    But your relationship with this new guy doesn’t sound like it has the best foundation either. Is he really so awesome, or is your awesomeness gauge perhaps slightly skewed because of your current situation? This guy might be the catalyst that helps you see you are miserable in your current relationship, but he’s a pretty slow-working catalyst if it’s been two months and you’re still questioning what you should be doing.

    My advice would be to take a step back from Mr. Awesome, break up with your boyfriend, and get yourself in a good place where you’re able to see what is and isn’t a healthy relationship. Take things slow with the new guy and avoid the urge to use him as a crutch when you’re having trouble getting on your feet. I’m not sure about your current financial or living situation, but resist the urge to take the easy way out and just move in with the new guy immediately.

  2. nightowl says:

    [Yep I agree with MargieCharles. Don’t rush into anything with the new awesome guy, but for sure I think it’s time to end it with your fiance. You don’t need more reasons to break up with someone other than:
    1. He’s never treated me good.
    A giant alarm bell is ringing.
    2. He says he’ll change.
    Dating a person who you want to change in some way is never a good idea.
    3. He doesn’t change.
    If he has never treated you well for 4 years and still hasn’t changed, another giant alarm bell is ringing.
    4. My head says choose to be with my fiance because it makes sense.
    Because it makes sense is probably one of the worst reasons I’ve ever heard to stay with someone.
    5. My fiance is not who I want.
    Symphony of giant alarm bells!!!
    I know it’s difficult because you have a child with your fiance, but you know as well as I do your child would definitely prefer you to be happy and be treated well. You know what they say on the plane about the oxygen masks – put your own one on first and then help others. Same thing in applies to life in general. To be the best Mum you can be you need to look after yourself.
    Little thought about awesome guy too….he was happy to be with you for two months and knew you were in a relationship. I know we all make mistakes or do things we know are wrong, but I dunno – is this a good start do you think?

  3. resullins says:

    [Trust me, it’s not your head that’s saying fiance. That’s your heart, too. Because if you were listening to your head, you wouldn’t be with either of these yahoos.

    If your fiance doesn’t treat you well, then what’s to say that’s a safe place for your daughter? You owe it to her, at the very least, to get yourself our of this situation. You say he always promises to change and then never does. Guess what, that’s EXACTLY what’s going to continue to happen. It’s not going to change, and it’s up to you to realize that and move on.

    This new guy… he’s ok with you cheating on your fiance. What does that say about him? Do not get involved with this guy. Run the other way. In fact, just run away from men for a while.

    You’ve gotten and kept yourself in a really sh*tty situation, and it’s totally up to you to get out. You have a child to think about.

  4. C.Munro says:

    [Ordinarily, I take a pretty dim view of cheating, but in this case I think the wrong you’re doing is allowing your fiancé to return to your life.

    I am also unconvinced of the other guy’s awesomeness. You know what a guy who says things like, “I don’t care if you have a boyfriend,” and, “We’re just having fun” are called? They’re called massive fucking douchebags, and for good reason.

    My advice would be to remove the toxic fiancé from your life, take a step back from Mr. Awesome, and try to find yourself without a relationship.

  5. apdirtgirl says:

    [I think everyone here has already stated what I would suggest. First, people don’t say they will change and really change, usually they just do, but even that is very difficult for most people. I understand sharing a child, but children are smart and can read through BS, if their parents are unhappy, they know this. Don’t fool yourself either with the new bf. I understand he seems wonderful, but that’s only cause your unhappy in current situation.

    It’s time to be alone, time to work through your unhappiness with yourself and take the steps forward for change. Yes, you will be lonely, yes it will suck. But, you have to focus on you and for the sake of your child and your future.

    Clear the heavy baggage, when you are truly happy, life will bring you the right situation!

    Good luck!

  6. Anna says:

    [Seems like your fiancé is not doing a good job of being your fiancé and is not treating you well. But I think you are not doing yourself any favors by letting him back into your life. If you do end up marrying this guy know that nothing he does will change, and there is no reason to stay with anyone just because its habit. People don’t like change naturally, so the natural thing for your head to say is to stick with your fiancé. However if the other guy is better ( and I am thinking like heaven and hell difference between fiancé and the other guy) why not get out of a relationship you are not happy with.

    Someone mentioned kids seeing through bs, I agree, just because you have a kid with someone is no good reason to stay with them. Do you think it would be healthy for your kid to see his/her mother being treated like crap by their father?

    And here is what I have learnt/am learning, the older we grow there are no concrete right or wrong, situations….think the wrong in the situation would be allowing yourself and your child to be miserable, and settling for misery.

    All the best.

  7. Tricky says:

    All of these comments here about how someone who says they will change and they never will are bitter people who have been disappointed too long. I will tell you from my experience (me personally) that people can and will change. There is always a catalyst (like cheating) that brings it about. but it’s change. Sometimes when people have nothing left to lose they find a way to change and make themselves and those around them better. Yes there are exceptions to every rule but we can’t make blanket statements about people. Own up to your fiancé and tell him right now. Cheating is bad enough but continuing to be with him is the lowest of the low. This also exposes him to everything from Mr. Awesome. Not cool. Tell your fiancé if he is sincere about change he will change. Trust that.

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