Embarrassed on a First Date

This is going to be hard for me because I rarely voluntarily admit my personality flaws to anyone, even myself.

I had a first date this past Saturday with a guy who seems pretty great, and I’m a harsh critic when it comes to guys so that’s saying a lot. We’ve been texting for a couple weeks and finally got to hang out.

Sober, I’m a flirtatious person. I play it cool and I poke fun and I smile and I make harmless innuendos that you’d really only pick up on if you were looking for them. I am this way with men and women, if I want people to like me, and usually it works fine. It’s just how I am. But drunk, I get VERY friendly.

While I think it’s a good sign that the guy texted me the following day (he could have just blown me off), he mentioned that I was flirting too much with his friend that we met up with. All I could do was apologize, but I felt absolutely horrible about it. I know he wasn’t exaggerating, I’m sure I was flirting with his friend because I know myself. I had been drinking and I got too comfortable with the situation.

I also can get a little braggy. So after apologizing for the flirting I said “I swear I’m not this much work, I’m a nice girl” and he said “We’ll see about that.” Then I said “I really have to stop saying positive things about myself to you lol” because at that point I felt like I’d kind of dug myself into a hole. He said “Oh god yeah I almost forgot about all the back patting that went on, mostly by you, about you.”

The conversation was being had in a flirtatious tone, so he wasn’t being mean or rude, but the whole thing made me feel like UGH I FUCKED UP. The conversation ended a little awkwardly and we haven’t talked at all today.

Can I salvage this or should I crawl into a hole and never contact him again?

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7 thoughts on “Embarrassed on a First Date

  1. Missy says:

    [what is it that you’re looking for? if you’re just looking to have fun with this guy, i say, contact him. if you are looking for more…what the hell, contact him. it was 1 date. i know exactly the head game you are playing with yourself, as i’ve done it too, but i’m going to guess that you’re over-thinking it. let us know how it goes!

  2. Dan says:

    [I think it’s worth reaching out if you think there’s something there. Whether it works or not will depend on how you behave in the future. I have had a similar experience with a girl I dated recently. Had she backed off the drinking there was plenty of potential, I even asked her to slow it down. After a few dates the pattern of drinking too much and acting badly was pretty obvious so I stopped seeing her. In other words if you reach out and get another date maybe have one or two fewer drinks…

  3. Anna says:

    [I feel you about the whole drinking thing, at times, however it is difficult to get an accurate picture of what happened when one is drinking, because information gets muddled up and we may tend to overreact or ignore important things.

    It is a good thing that he did text , but quite honestly I would have a face to face conversation (or even a telephone conversation) rather than a text one, because so much can get lost while texting.

    And I think that it is neat that you apologized but if he is going to stay stuck on it then you might need to figure out how this might affect your future interactions.

    But yes, Id say contact him but at the same time be mindful of what you want to communicate with him, flirting and being sarcastic etc is all cool but if there is something that you want to seriously communicate be wise and selective with your words.

  4. Dennis Hong says:

    [Well, I think we might need some clarification on what exactly “VERY friendly” and “flirting too much” entail. Some people are just naturally more touchy and affectionate than others, and you seem to be one such person. Without knowing exactly what you did with his buddy, I think it’s hard for us to say whether or not you crossed any lines and should even be apologizing.

    At the same time, it seems like this is something you’re already aware of, so perhaps this is something you’ve already had issues with previously? If so, then maybe consider this a lesson learned and try not to drink on a first date from now on?

    Either way, assuming that you didn’t actually do anything *too* inappropriate, I think you should just move on from this. Apologize one more time in person if you feel it’s warranted, but then, just let it go. If the whole text conversation was really as flirty as you mention, then it probably wasn’t that big a deal to him. In fact, he may have been playfully ribbing you over all this. If that’s the case, the more you dwell on it and want to talk about it and want to apologize for it, the bigger deal you’re going to make it — that is, the more he’s going to think this is a red flag.

    If I were in the guy’s position here, you apologizing once would make me think, “Okay, she realizes she’s a flirt when drunk. Cool.” But you apologizing 20 times would make me think, “Dude, what’s her problem?”

    So, my suggestion is just to be cool and forget about it.

    Oh, and probably drink a little less on your second date….

    • Matt Sanchelli says:

      [There really isn’t too much else to add that someone else hasn’t already mentioned; but I felt I’d piggy-back on this particular comment because Dennis mentioned something that I had thought about too.

      The fact you apologized and have taken ownership of the situation is excellent, so kudos to you.

      However, as Dennis said…now that you’ve apologized don’t do it again. Don’t dwell on the fact that you may have flirted too much and maybe did a little too much self back patting. Continuing to do so could eventually give him the impression that you have some insecurities about the type of person you are; or who you become when you’ve had a few.

      Worse yet, it could also give him the idea that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened and he’ll begin wondering how often you “get like that”; and wonder what sort of control you have over yourself…particularly when in social settings with alcohol present. He wouldn’t want to bring you to a wedding, or work event, if this were an on-going, repetitive, situation.

      Overall, I see no problem to contact him again. It was just 1 date. Now just be sure to project the first impression you wanted him see.

  5. kerplunkLYN says:

    [Holy handful. Well, I’m certainly not above drinking too much & being a bit ridiculous or inappropriate on a first date. However, you went on a date with a “great guy” and then proceeded to flirt with his buddy in front of him? You also mention that you tend to get very braggy & boastful when you drink, what’s up with that? I have a handful of friends (male & female) who do one or both of these while drinking & personally, I always thinks it screams insecurity – perhaps the opposite of what they intend. I think a bigger question is why you would sabotage a date with a great guy by flirting with his buddy? I would be HORRIBLY offended if a date ever did that to me & that would be enough to not see that person again. The bragging part, would be more “something to think” about – but in general, I’m not a showy person so people who feel the need to do so always spark something of an interest of mine, but mostly in the “what do you feel you are lacking to constantly try and make people think higher of you” category.

    But, to answer your actual question, did you blow it? No, it doesn’t sound like it from his follow-up teasing texts. However, I would definitely NOT blow it again and cease & desist flirting with other guys on dates (with him and anyone else — forever). Seems like he likes you enough to see you again. And maybe tell him about yourself rather than forcing your achievements or whatever else you feel like showing off in his face.

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