Dating/text messaging etiquette

Here is a question about etiquette. I went out on a date with this guy a week or so ago, didn’t sense any connection at all( but it was fun but I can’t see myself going out with him) but we did text back and forth for a bit. And over the last weekend he sent me a text but I didn’t reply back because I got too busy and didn’t think about it. Now, it’s been a week… should I reply to his text and let him know I am not interested or just let it be. The catch is that he works at a place that I like going to on occasionally. And I am not sure what is the right or the polite thing to do.
Thank you.

5 thoughts on “Dating/text messaging etiquette

  1. EricaSwagger says:

    [Well, in general, I wish people were all more straightforward with each other in situations like this, because being ignored/ghosted really does suck. But… it’s awkward and it’s so much easier to just not respond than to be up front about how you feel. Especially when you haven’t invested much time. If the tables were turned, what would you want him to do? It’s almost like there’s no good answer. Being ignored sucks but so does being told “I’m not into it.”

    In this case, you only went out once and he hasn’t texted you in a week, so I think he probably got the hint. If he texts you again, just be casual in saying no. I like to say “I did have fun last time but I’m actually seeing someone now.” Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it tells him you’re done with him without being harsh.

    As long as you’re not rude or mean, it shouldn’t be weird if you occasionally see him.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [I think it’s pretty commendable of you to wonder if you should say anything at this point. But, after only one date, I really don’t think it’s necessary. In fact, you might come off as being kind of pretentious if, after a week of silence, you text him out of the blue to tell him that you’re not interested.

    I mean, if he’s texted you a few times over the past week… okay, maybe you can reply if you want. But it sounds like it was just one text, and he hasn’t bothered to follow up. So yeah, he may be just playing it cool, but I’d just let it go at this point.

    But thank you for being a considerate person. 🙂

  3. Missy says:

    [i agree with erica. given that a week has passed, i would leave it alone.

    if he hasn’t texted again, i’m guessing he got the picture, and it might be kind of weird for him to get a random text saying, “sorry, i forgot to text you back, but i’m just not interested.” it would almost be like dissing him twice, i think.

    that being said, i guarantee there will be others who will completely disagree, and would prefer a better-late-than-never text.

    maybe ask yourself how you think you might feel running into him after both scenarios. that might help you decide how best to deal with it. i don’t think this is one of those black-and-white issues, and ultimately, you should do whatever you feel is appropriate.

    good luck!

  4. Anna says:

    [Thanks everyone for your advice/suggestions. I don’t think I am going to message him back. But chances are if I run into him again I will say something, and apologise for being a jerk. When I think about it, I should have messaged him back when I knew I wasn’t into him and been upfront…. But thank you!

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Yeah, I think that’s a good plan.

      On a semi-related note, I think this is the reason people are generally flaky and etiquette-less in online dating: They figure that they don’t have any mutual friends and will never run into the other person again, so they just stop responding to texts or don’t call back. On the off chance they do run into the other person, they’ll say something. But otherwise… meh.

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