In the last 3 years following my divorce I have been attempting to online date. My experience in meeting and dating men from these sites have been disheartening and in large part traumatizing. I have made many attempts, on many sites, with many different methods and the result is always the same.
Over time, I have changed and now value having a relationship much less and value my independence more. I do not feel that pursuing a relationship is in my best interest at this time. I have some short bouts of loneliness, but overall I am satisfied and happy with my life.
What has brought me to lemonvibe is that I believe I have somewhat of an addiction to online dating. As a person who has never had an addiction to anything, this is a new situation for me. I have been able to go for longer periods of time without putting up a profile, but eventually something will trigger me and I will put one up.
My first step in dealing with this was to identify some triggers…they include being seriously overworked, having brief work contact with men in my age range, meeting people in relationships or having trouble with relationships (part of my work). One of my worst triggers is that everyone I know either thinks I am dating someone great or that I will “find someone very soon.” Even my best friend who has heard all of my bad dating stories still believes I will “find someone.” I went to a therapist once who was convinced I would find someone, and instead of focusing on the traumatic incident that had just occurred in my life, he wanted to talk about my love life!
I am looking for advice on how to handle the perception in others that everyone will find someone, that we all live in some type of romantic fantasy world! I have become aware of the real truth, that not everybody does find someone. Any advice would be appreciated, as I work on handling these triggers…