Hi all. My boyfriend and I met on eHarmony six months ago and very soon after (unsolicited) he told me he had cancelled his account because he had found what he was looking for. It turns out that even a few months later, it was still active…I chalked it up to inability to navigate the website. About a month ago when I saw more matches in his mailbox, I told him this “glitch” was really bothering me and we sat down to cancel it yet again together. It turns out that we didn’t close the account enitirely, but just stopped auto renewal which meant he was still getting matches.
Since then, because we share a computer, I have seen messages in his email account with subjects like “So and so has responded to your photo nudge request” and “so and so has responded to your fast track communication request” as well as other emails from eHarmony women (quite innocent, admittedly) with whom he has clearly been corresponding. Obviously I told him I saw these messages, and he said they were from way back in the day when he WAS active, and that he wasn’t trawling around the internet and wasn’t looking to meet other women.
I broke up with him, but I am torn. What if this is purely a glitch? I realize that there are trust issues here which are unresolved, but I am wondering whether I am just blowing things out of proportion.
Please let me know what you think…thanks in advance for your replies.
LemonVibe 
[Out of respect for your relationship, I feel the account should have been closed. Period. It is 2012 and closing an account is fairly simple to do. He shouldn’t have any “connections” or communication going on when he is in a relationship. So, I feel you did the right thing. He betrayed your trust and for that a break up is in order. However, you are talking to someone who hardly ever gives second chances, or benefit-of-the-doubts, etc. Once you have betrayed my trust, I will no longer give out my heart.
[I’ve been on several online dating sites, and I closed my accounts when I got into my last relationship. Once I was single again, I was able to re-activate them. He’s lying. You were right to break up with him!
[Were the email messages that you saw recent? Eharmony is a glitchy website, but I doubt it’s glitchy enough to send you emails when you’re not active on the site. (Especially since they were saying they were in response to your boyfriend’s request for fast track communication, etc.) Something doesn’t seem right, but if that’s the only reason why you broke up with him and everything else was going well (and you were seeing him often enough for it to be difficult for him to be seeing other women), then you might want to think things over a little more. But then again, I tend to give people second chances.
[He was lying. Eharmony isn’t THAT much of a glitchy website – even if it were, he shouldn’t be getting multiple new messages in response to his “nudge” or “fast track” communication.
What concerns me is that you saw his inbox to begin with – did he not log out? we you snooping?
[He might have just turned off matching and thought he closed his account. You can’t temporarily suspend your account on eH, like you can on OkCupid or Match. You can officially close down your account, but just like creating your eH account, it takes some time.
It’s possible he’s still getting communications from several months ago. I know when I’m in a relationship, I stop going online for several months at a time…and when it’s done and I go back on, I resume communication with the people already in my inbox to see if they’re still on. That could explain the messages….but if it’s more than a couple of messages after 6 months offline…it *probably* means he’s still active. Not guaranteed, but likely, anyway.
Sorry this happened 😦
[I think you did the right thing. If it were just generic messages like, “We have some matches for you!”…well, you can even get those from spam emails. But responding to ‘nudges’ like you say, that’s something he has to do to initiate interaction. I think you made the right choice.
[Sorry to hear 😦 Online dating can be tricky. I had an ex that told me once he ‘forgot’ that he was still online so thats why he was still showing up in my matches. He deactivated his membership infront of me, and the rest was up to me to trust him.
I did – he was a loser so we broke up anyways.
If something so simple is causing you problems, then the trust issues are truly the BIGGER problem here. If you can’t trust someone, it will ruin your day to day to life with thoughts and ‘what-ifs’….
Sorry this happened, but not worth your time my dear.