How should I go about finding out if a guy who lives far away wants to see me again?

I met a guy at a friend’s wedding a little over a month ago. We ended up hooking up, and I had a good time with him talking and getting to know him. He lives about 3.5 hours away from me – he’s originally from the area I live in. He told me to let him know if I’d ever be in his city.

Well, last weekend I was in his city, and I texted him ahead of time to let him know I’d be in town, and asked if he wanted to get a drink or something. He said yeah, let’s meet up, so we did and I had a really great time. He picked me up, we went out for food and drinks, then went out later with his friends, and I spent the night at his place and we hooked up again. The conversation flowed easily and smoothly all night, there was joking and flirting along with more serious talk – it was a lot of fun. He seems to have the qualities I’m looking for in a guy – he’s intelligent, funny, social, has lots of interests, we’re at similar points in our lives, plus he’s really cute.

The next morning after he drove me back to my friend’s place, we hugged goodbye and said that we had fun. Neither of us mentioned meeting up again. I almost did, but I chickened out. I really like this guy, and I’d love to see him again. I’m not saying that I want to start a relationship, but that I’d like to spend more time with him, get to know him better, and see if it goes as well as the first time.

So my question is: how should I go about mentioning that I’d like to see him again/finding out if he wants to see me again? I feel like I have nothing to lose. I was planning on texting him later this week to say thanks again for everything (he paid for dinner, drinks, taxi, etc.) and that I had a good time. I don’t know if I should say something about how it would be nice to see him again sometime. Or if I should text him something random and funny that we were joking about over the weekend, and see how he responds to that. I wish I knew what he was thinking! Alas, the main pitfall of dating. It was just so wonderful to spend time with someone who excites me, interests me, and attracts me.

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6 thoughts on “How should I go about finding out if a guy who lives far away wants to see me again?

  1. resullins says:

    [Hmmm… this is a toughie. Long distance relationships are extraordinarily hard to begin with. But trying to establish the trust and rapport needed to build the fundamentals of a relationship from that far away is almost impossible. I’m going to have to say no, here. Don’t try to get with him. Leave it as a great one night and move on.

    You can, however, get something out of this. You found a guy that fits all your qualities, and so now your know what you’re looking for. And you know that it’s out there. You can find it again, and you can find it in an accessible person.

  2. Jasmine says:

    [Most people just say “I’d really like to see you again.”
    You could go with “Where do you see this relationship going” but that will send up some red flags.
    Or you could do the whole “When are you planning to announce the engagement? I assumed since we slept together and everything we’d be getting married” line from Four Weddings and a Funeral, but that could be really dangerous!
    Yah. I’d just go with “I’d really like to see you again.” He’ll prob take the initiative to define things if he isn’t looking for anything, and if he says yes, then you’ll have another chance to see if he wants to pursue things further.
    Only warning: if you keep driving 3.5 hours to see him, and he never comes to see you, then really all you have here is an out of town booty call. With what gas costs these days, he better pay for all the entertainment! 😉
    Good luck! Keep us posted!

  3. karlos says:

    [If he’s three and a half hours away, that means every time you visit, you’re investing 7 extra hours into that relationship.

    I guess the point of mentioning that is, you should probably think of this like a theme park, is the ride good enough to warrant sitting around for that long before hand.

    I didn’t actually mean for that to sound like a euphemism, man I’m dirty minded.

  4. lilredbmw says:

    [It sounds to me as if you both had a great time when you hung out. And it probably safe to say that he would, indeed, like to hang out with you again. If you had hooked up once, and then when you visited his town he was “not available” then maybe this would be a different response. But it sounds as if you both had a great time. With that being said, what do you have to lose if you text him and say, “Hey, thanks a lot. I had a great time and would like to see you again if we are in the same city.” Have fun.

    On a different note, I would try and keep this as a fun thing. It is challenging to try and build a relationship based on a fun time every once in a while. While 3.5 hours isn’t the longest drive ever, it does become tiresome. You spend so much time just trying to see each other, that other things go unnoticed in the relationship. So, if you can keep it casual, I say go have fun with this guy. Enjoy each other while you can, but wouldn’t stop looking for someone who is a bit closer.

  5. Brandon Sklar says:

    [In regards to this whole long-distance thing, I would suggest to just do what makes you happy. Let’s say that this relationship does get somewhat serious and you begin to drive back and forth to see each other and realize one day down the road it is not worth it, so what? You at least created some level of happiness for yourself for some period of time. I think that is what is most important. Is long distance hard? Sure. Is it impossible? Definitely not. Maybe if the 3.5 hours gets too much you can each find a few fun places to have dates at a location halfway and get a cheap motel or something after if that sounds more appealing than driving twice as much. Point is, do not worry about conventionality, do what will creates the best memories, do what will create the least stress, do what will makes you feel alive.

    In terms of how to tell him you want to see him again, I have always been an advocate of being as direct as possible. Coming from a male perspective, I am really tired of girls dropping hints or waiting for me to open up first. Personally, I think girls who are not afraid to speak their mind and reveal some emotion and risk themselves getting rejected by me are by far the most attractive. If I were you, I would speak frankly and say something like “Hey, so basically I wanted to tell you that I have immensely enjoyed my time with you and would love to spend some more. I realize that I am a little far away, but to me I would be willing to make that trek to see you again.”

    True… He could flat out reject you and say that he is not really looking for anything serious… But if that is the case, that knowledge should only benefit you and save you countless hours in the future looking for something that he cannot provide you. So I think it is a win-win if you be up front with him. But again, the specifics involved with revealing that sort of thing is entirely subjective. Knowing him, do you think he would really find that in-your-face approach as something sexy or overwhelming? Either way, I think you should disregard the distance and only regard the man (at least in this stage of your relationship).

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