My friend might want a threesome?

One of my close friends, F, has been giving off some signals that she might want me (and maybe my boyfriend) to join in on sex with her and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has flirted with me a good deal in front of her, which I always just attributed to his awkward Engineering personality, but I’m starting to question that assessment. Yesterday she told me about how much she loves threesomes, especially with her friends, and how she wants to have more of them. She asked me about threesomes – if I’d done it, if I wanted to, what combinations, and if I’d have one with a friend. Another friend B was there, and she later told me that she thinks F and her bf are trying to get me in bed. Recently, F has also asked me very specific things about my preference for penises, and she’s drunkenly taken my phone to try to find nude pictures of my boyfriend, or sex pictures of the two of us together. I am not interested in having sex with anyone but my boyfriend, so now I’m wondering how I should handle this. She hasn’t specifically asked me to join them, so I don’t want to jump to a conclusion and ruin our friendship. At the same time, I don’t want to be in this awkward situation with a friend. Any thoughts?

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8 thoughts on “My friend might want a threesome?

  1. ebees says:

    [What have you been saying when she asks your opinions on threesomes? Have you said, “I have no interest in having sex with anyone other than my boyfriend”? If you haven’t yet, I would make it very clear the next time she brings it up. Don’t make it about her or her boyfriend, but if you just say, “That’s cool that you’re into that, but I have no desire to try anything like that. I just don’t think its my thing.” when you’re talking about threesomes in general, it would probably deflect her if her intent is getting you into bed. If she keeps bringing it up after that, she must just like talking about that kind of thing, or is trying to cast an extra-wide net in case you know anyone else who might be interested in joining them. If you have made it clear that you’re not into threesomes and she still ends up asking you directly, then it will be easy to say “I’m flattered, but like I’ve said, I’m not into threesomes!”

  2. Maracuya says:

    [If you’re not interested then deflect, deflect, deflect!
    Examples:
    F: [Asks about your preferences for penises]
    Answer: Not your boyfriend’s!
    F: Hey, so what do you think about threesomes with your friends?
    Answer: Absolutely not interested. Hey, what are you ordering for lunch? I love wedge salads!

    Anyway, even if she hasn’t *outright* asked you and your intuition is correct she’s trying to feel out if you’d be interested. So just steer her in the ‘no’ direction. Good luck, I’d be so painfully awkward in this situation (if you can’t tell from the above dialogue) but you sound like you’re handling it as well as one can.

  3. Happy Pants says:

    [No. Go directly to single partner sex. Do not pass go. Do not collect more sex partners.

    Nothing good can come of threesomes with friends. Just avoid the topic whenever you can, and if she brings it up, politely decline.

  4. Bonita says:

    [Unfortunately, I have a similar situation. One of my best friends and her husband are swingers. The hubs consistently tried to lure me into a threesome. After a year and a half of consistent deflection and making sure I was not in any threesome condusive environments, the invitations have dwindled to only once every couple of months. Everyone else’s advice is probably way better than my method!

  5. MitziM. says:

    [You could always try to out-awkward her. Just randomly in conversation say something like “Have you ever gotten off to the idea of your parents having sex?” Not really sure if that’ll get you anywhere, but it’s bound to be fun.

    Otherwise, I agree with Happy Pants. Try and avoid it until you can’t anymore, and then bring it up in the most clear, but kind, way you can.

  6. resullins says:

    [I would just start being rude about it until she gets the hint. She tries to steal your phone, snatch it back. She talks about threesomes, you start talking about her dead dog. She starts talking about penises, you start talking about herpes.

    Eventually, she’ll be trained better than one of Pavlov’s dogs. She starts thinking about a threesome with you, and she’ll associate it with herpes and dead dogs.

    Or, just stop hanging out with her for a while. If she’s any smarter than a sack full of hammers, she’ll get it. Whenever she calls, tell her you have plans with your boyfriend.

  7. Dave Jag says:

    [In general, never let anyone talk you into anything that violates your moral code. In this case specifically, unless you want to drag it out for a long time, wait until the next time she asks (or strongly implies) about the 3-some and take that opportunity to sit her down and have a frank discussion. Don’t laugh, smile, or deflect; she has to know you are serious. Then spill your guts. Let her know beyond a doubt that you are not interested, and feel free to tell her why. (It’s gross, it’s immoral, it’s slutty, it’s an inevitable friendship killer… whatever is on your heart.) If that doesn’t sink in, it’s probably time for ‘F’ to get the F out of your life and find a girlfriend who respects all of your relationships.

  8. karlos says:

    [Just say you really hate sharing.

    To prove this buy a cake, I’m talking like a really fucking nice cake and put it somewhere where it’s impossible to not try and sneak a sliver. When she tries to take some (and she will), bam, stab her with a fork. Followed by you cooly saying, “This is mine! anyone who touches anything of mine gets a handful of fork!”.

    On the plus side, you get cake and no one will mess with you.

    On the negative side, there is no negative side, you have cake.

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