The “Moving In” Debacle

I know there is no single correct answer for this one, so what I’m asking for is everyone’s personal opinion.

For YOU how serious does a relationship have to be before you consider moving in with someone? I’ve seen people tackle this situation in various ways from moving in after they were married to moving in after dating for a few months.

That said? Is time really that much of a factor, or is it more about the dedication and commitment to the relationship? Do you feel the need to see yourself with this person for the rest of your life beforehand, or is the relationship being a very important aspect of your life at the present enough?

Sorry if I’m rambling, but there’s a lot of factors that come into play here, and possibly an infinite number of ways this question could be answered, so… discuss away?

15 thoughts on “The “Moving In” Debacle

  1. MitziM. says:

    [People give me a lot of crap for this because I don’t see moving in as a big step. I’ve moved in with complete strangers before just to have a cheap place closer to work. So, moving in with a boyfriend seems more like a matter of convenience. If I’m dating someone and looking to move, I figure two people paying for one room is better than one.

  2. Bonita says:

    [This question has evolved big time for me with age. I have only ever lived with the ex- Mr. BB and I did so pre-marriage. I have discussed and considered with others since then, but was never willing to give up control enough to pull the trigger. Now that I own my own little dream house and most fellas I encounter tend to as well, it would take a monumentally positive relationship with serious lifetime potential to lure me into cohabitation.

  3. BreckEffect says:

    [I personally think moving in together is a really big deal. This is having done it once and gone through the excruciating pain of splitting stuff up and having to move out. It’s terrible. So, I now won’t move in with anyone unless we have determined that we’re committed to each other and want the same things out of the relationship. So, yeah, for me it’s not at all about time spent together as it is about the expressed commitment to the relationship.

  4. DavidIsGreat says:

    [Moving in kind if sucks. While there obvious benefits, saving money being the first one, there are pitfalls too. The biggest one being what happens if the relationship doesn’t work out?

    If there’s a lease, who is on it and what legal complications come with that? A lot of couples end up staying together in a bad relationship just because it’s too much work and too hard financially to leave.

    So my opinion is that it is a really big step because it’s sort of a gamble. That’s not to say it can’t work, it does all the time. I’m just saying watch some Judge Judy and think it over first.

  5. Joanna says:

    [This hits home for me. I moved in with my boyfriend knowing he does not want marriage. And for a long time, we were on the same page about that. But now I’m feeling more and more like I’m supposed to get married now that I’m 26. I don’t know what to do about this nagging feeling that maybe I’d like to get married someday.

  6. resullins says:

    [I think there has to be some kind of commitment, but not marriage. In fact, the best piece of advice I ever got from my mom was to move in with someone before getting engaged. Living with someone is a difficult portion of a relationship, and it teaches you a lot about a person, and their mentality, etc.

    If you can’t live with someone, it’s going to be really difficult to marry them.

  7. Happy Pants says:

    [There are a lot of factors that go into moving in together, but I think the one that people tend to not consider is maturity. Are you mature enough to share your space with another human being? Your bed every night? Will you be able to handle the bathroom getting all stunk up after one of you spends a while in there reading the paper? Are you capable of compromise? Can you deal with having minor disagreements and not wanting to break up?

    It’s not so much of a time thing as a commitment and maturity thing to me. I do think you should give the relationship enough time to mature though, so maybe don’t move in after knowing each other for a week.

  8. Eleanor Roosevelt says:

    [I moved in with my ex after a year and a half of being together, and it was a huge mistake. I knew it at the time, and did it anyway. My lease was up, I needed somewhere to go, and it made “financial sense” to get a place together. That ended rather messily, and I told my current fiance I didn’t want to live together until we were engaged. He wanted to live together before getting engaged. We ended up with somewhat of a compromise – we had talked about getting engaged, and made plans for him to move in when his lease was up. In the meantime, he proposed a couple months before moving in.

  9. theattack says:

    [I’ve moved in with regular boyfriends before – people I had fun dating but didn’t see a future with. It was a horrible mistake. It makes break-ups messy, awkward, and more difficult to do. Adding a living situation to a relationship means that part of your break-up decision factors in if you like your apartment and have a good price on rent. Those things are, of course, completely irrelevant to whether or not you should continue dating someone, but it’s easy to make that part of the equation when you live together. I’m a believer in being fully committed to making something work before moving in. It doesn’t have to be marriage right away, but engagement should at least be something you’re talking about doing soon (at least if marriage is ever on the table for you).

    Since my last move-in mistake, I decided I wouldn’t move in until I was engaged with a wedding date set. I’ve seen too many couples move in and then the dude gets lazy about proposing, or the couple gets lazy about marriage arrangements and they end up in a permanent engagement. I may be more flexible than this with my boyfriend, but I feel that those two things won’t be issues for us. We’ll see, probably later this summer.

  10. PKP says:

    [This is probably a relationship killer. I reckon if you can survive the first year of living together, you should get married. So don’t move in together unless you’re already considering marriage I guess is what I’m saying. I’m certainly not an authority on this issue though, having only moved in and married one person so far.

  11. Maracuya says:

    [I would only do it if we had discussed marriage and agreed on long-term goals together. That’s pretty much it.

  12. Dave Jag says:

    [Well, you said “relationship” in your question, so that rules out the whole roommates thing and indicates a romantic bond with long-term potential.
    In order for me to get to that point, we’d have to already be talking marriage, and if we were already doing that, I’d just say, “then let’s wait until we’re married”. Why risk a good thing?

  13. ebees says:

    [I would have to have about a year or more of “smooth sailing” with a guy (you know, no breaks, break-ups, terrible periods) and an intent to get married at some point for me to consider it. I wouldn’t need an engagement, or even the promise of an engagement in the near future, but I would need to know that both of us were very serious about this relationship and intended to take it as far as it would go.

  14. lilredbmw says:

    [This is a great question. Depends on you, I guess. I was raised to believe you don’t move in until you are married. In fact, I had to promise my mom only two things in my life. One, don’t do acid, ever. Two, don’t move in with a boyfriend unless you are getting married. So, I kept those two promises. I traveled with my hubby and we went on road trips to get to know one another. I think it is total crap when people say you need to live with each other before you get married. Not true. At all. So, I moved in with my hubby after we had been engaged for several months, but we lived in separate rooms. When we got married, we moved in to the same room. It’s been three years and I never regetted my decision about living together before we were engaged.

  15. ladiejoy says:

    [For me, we moved in together when we realized that I hadn’t been to my own house in 2 weeks. It was fairly early on in the relationship – I think we had been together maybe 4 months or so. But we were certain that it was “IT” for us.

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