How often should you hear from a person in between dates?

I’m wondering how often you should hear from a person you just started dating. I got out of a relationship where I heard from that person all the time, every day, but now I just hear from the new guy every few days and it can take him hours to answer texts.

10 thoughts on “How often should you hear from a person in between dates?

  1. ebees says:

    [I think, after a serious relationship, getting back into casually dating feels strange. After my last relationship, I so missed the comfort, intimacy, and closeness I felt with my ex that I found myself moving way too fast with any new prospects. I think this is really common; that’s why “rebound relationships” are a thing. If you are really, truly, interested in this guy, I wouldn’t rush it. Let him set the pace for now. I agree that once every couple of days is really normal when you first start dating someone, but communication should gradually increase naturally as you continue to see each other.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Personally, I think this sounds a lot healthier than your last relationship….

    Honestly, I’d say it depends on what “just started dating” means. If you’ve only been out on a two or three dates, hearing from him every few days doesn’t seem that out of the ordinary. I mean, do YOU want a new guy you just started dating to be calling/texting you all the time?

    Now, if you’ve been dating for a couple months, you’ve slept together, and you’re starting to develop feelings for him… well, then you might have more cause for concern if you only hear from him once every few days.

    Either way, it sounds to me like he might be just taking it slow, so to speak, and doesn’t want to appear needy. I’d say to just go along with it for now, but be exercise a little precaution, too, because there’s also the possibility that he’s not all that into you. I think it’s just too early to tell right now.

  3. BreckEffect says:

    [Yeah, I agree with what Dennis said. I personally prefer to start out with slow-ish contact and then as you get to know each other it’ll naturally ramp up. There are also people who don’t need as much contact with their significant other, even when the relationship has gotten more serious. It’s good to know what YOU like because then you can communicate it with your SO if he doesn’t need as much contact as you do.

  4. New User 987609 says:

    [I’ve been on three dates but it’s been really drawn out since I was out of town for work for 2 weeks, and he was out of town the following weekend. I know I have to adjust from the very frequent attention, but I wasn’t sure how often I should be hearing especially since we were both traveling so much. So it feel a very long time between each date!

  5. Dave Jag says:

    [Stop texting and use the number keys on your phone! Many people… particularly those who have jobs and hobbies and other time consuming purposes.. find texting to be really cold, calculated, and hence, annoying. A phone call is SO much more personal simply because it is interactive… you know… like a relationship? Regardless of your feelings when you send it, a text implies, “I’m sitting on a public toilet and have a few minutes to kill… oh yeah, and I thought of you.” Life is too short; enjoy the human factor.

  6. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I’m on the same page here as virtually every one else.

    As things are right now, this is an appropriate (and probably expected) amount of contact. As the relationship builds, so will the contact. If it doesn’t, and you begin to feel neglected, then you need to let this person know before it becomes an irritant in the relationship.

    But as of right now I’d say your good; but again exercise caution (as mentioned) that it doesn’t become too much of an open window that you fall out of it.

  7. Happy Pants says:

    [Personally, if I don’t hear from the guy I’m dating enough to take out a restraining order on him, I feel neglected.

    No, but seriously, to echo what everyone else has said, give it some time, and if you don’t feel you’re on the same page, move on.

  8. Maracuya says:

    [That sounds about right to me. I didn’t see you say how long you’d been in the last relationship, but I think when you’re more comfortable you just talk more often. And some people are just more conversational than others. It doesn’t mean this new guy doesn’t like you.

  9. resullins says:

    [I think you need to hear from them exactly as often as makes you happy and comfortable. Your last relationship was a little on the uncomfortable side, as others have stated… but this doesn’t seem to make you happy.

    So my advice would be to wait it out. If it doesn’t increase, deal with it then. But for now, just realize that this is a new and budding relationship, and the level of contact should stay immediately in between doesn’t-give-a-sh*t and stalker.

  10. lilredbmw says:

    [I can see how, if you were used to being in touch all the time and now you aren’t, this could be a big change. But keep in mind, this is new. If you heard from him all the time, it might not be as exciting and might come across as needy and overbearing. So, careful what you wish for! Everyone is different in their communication, so until you know him better, it’s hard to say what is “normal” for him. I know guys attached to their phones, and other guys who hardly look at them. Don’t take it personally. He is probably answering at his earliest convenience and I think that should be an acceptable amount of time. Good luck on your new relationship!!

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