Does this seem weird to you?

I met my husband through OkCupid a few years ago. I still have my profile up for a few reasons:

1. I have all the previous conversations between my husband and me when we were first getting to know each other archived. Every so often, I’ll get a bit nostalgic, log into my account, and re-read them. (Awwww.)
2. I enjoy taking some of the quizzes when I’m bored.
3. I’ve met a few friends on there, too.
4. I’d submitted a “success story” to the site after my husband and I were married, and it’s linked on my profile page; in a way, I guess I feel that it can serve as encouragement to daters out there that you CAN find love online.
5. There’s this hilarious letter some guy sent me a long time ago that I like to access whenever a “what NOT to say in an initial message” situation presents itself.

I’d like to note that a) I’m listed as married and looking for friends ONLY and b) one of my profile pics is of my husband and me on our wedding day. I make it very obvious in my profile that I am NOT interested in meeting anyone to date. However, this doesn’t stop some guys from sending me messages like “You are quite beautiful. I’d love to get to together if you’re interested. Let me know.” (actual message sent to me last week)

Or, I’ll get messages like this one (sent to me 2 weeks ago): “I guess I’m confused. One congrats on the marriage but why on you on here?” Do I need to justify myself when I get messages like that? I mean, it’s a free website, and I’m hardly ever on there anyway, unless it’s for one of the aforementioned reasons listed above. I know it’s a dating site, and I get that the majority of people on there are looking for dates/relationships. Is it weird to still have a profile when you’re married and NOT looking for extramarital affairs?

6 thoughts on “Does this seem weird to you?

  1. MargieCharles says:

    [Does your husband think it’s weird?

    If the answer is no, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. It seems like sometimes people have this exact same question, but subliminally peppered into the scenario is the feeling that they just like the attention and are looking for something “better.” I didn’t really get that sense at all while reading this. All signs point to you being happily married, so if some schmuck can’t take the (HUGE, GLARING, IN YOUR FACE) hint that you’re not interested in anything (like your profile says), that’s their problem. Especially if your husband is okay with it, I don’t see why a few nosy strangers on the interwebz should impact your behavior very much.

    It definitely seems like your profile (and it’s contents) hold a lot of sentimental value. I say screw the naysayers, ignore the creepsters (don’t even respond – that’s one thing I’ve learned about handling nosy creepsters during my days on myspace. A lot of times they’ll use a somewhat innocent question as a wedge to start a conversation or find out how “faithful” you are), and do whatever you and your husband are comfortable with.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Pretty much what cat lady up there said. If it makes you feel any better, I keep profiles on all the big sites, too. But I do it because I feel like, in order for LemonVibe to “keep up with the Jones,” it’s important for me to see what any site that has anything to do with dating and relationships is doing.

    I guess my point is, everyone has their reasons for having a profile on an online dating profile, and they don’t necessarily have to be because they’re looking for sex or romance or anything in between. As long as you and your husband understand, I don’t see any reason you should have to explain yourself to a perfect stranger.

    Oh, and congrats on being an OKCupid success story. 😉

  3. lilredbmw says:

    [Congrats on your marriage! You are a true success story and the fact that you are still on the site you met your hubby on isn’t weird to me at all. You don’t need to worry about what other people think about it…forget them. I agree with the others that, as long as your husband is comforstable with it, keep doing what you are doing. Why would you get rid of something that obviously makes you happy to silence strangers, whose opinions don’t count for anything? Keep your account, and your happiness!

  4. LMcMack says:

    [You can respond to people like that with “I keep my profile active because I am entertained by idiots like you who ask me stupid questions.”

  5. Solstice says:

    [As long as your husband isn’t bothered by it, I see no issue with it. I’m kind of sad that I can’t see the first emails between my boyfriend and I, b/c I no longer have a Match account, so I can understand wanting to be able to look through the emails for nostalgia! I met a pretty good friend through OKCupid as well. You’ll just have to ignore the dumb messages, because people will inevitably email you no matter what your profile says.

  6. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [Consider me the third Musketeer joining in on the comments made by Margaret and Dennis. And congrats on being yet another online dating success story. I’m sure there are plenty of people who like seeing that those testimonials aren’t just fluff.

    The main thing to consider here is what your husband thinks of the whole thing. If he has no problem with then I say go ahead and keep it and don’t worry about justifying your actions to complete strangers.

    As you mentioned, you are listed as married and looking for friends ONLY. It isn’t your fault the person on the other end of the keyboard didn’t bother to read the fine print (though that information is typically very easy to see).

    The only thing I could think of changing would be parts of profile, but that is difficult to recommend since I have no clue what your profile actually says. Perhaps if you don’t have something like this already you could say, “As you can see I am married. I keep my profile active because I have made some friends here and enjoy meeting new people (in a platonic way).” Blah blah blah…I think you get my point.

    Otherwise, I say you’re golden.

    The only other piece of advice I would recommend is to copy all of the messages between you and (your now) husband into a word document on your computer…just in case. I met my girlfriend on a dating site and I thought I had saved/archived our first e-mails but when I logged in to get them they have been removed. Sadness.

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