“Is it considered sexual assault?”

This might get a bit long but I had a fwb relationship with someone I got along with fairly well this past summer. We had a fight over something insignificant but he stopped talking to me without any explanation. I tried to make up with him but he just never talked to me. I hadn’t seen him in 5 months and I felt like he threw me away. He was sometimes really selfish and he would never reciprocate in the bedroom or bother to think about how I was feeling and often complained that I took up space in his single bed. He also made mean comments towards the end of the relationship.

Two days ago he suddenly messaged me telling me he was feeling awful. He got rejected by a girl. We ended up having a deep talk about how he relied too much on women to ease his loneliness for a while and he acknowledged that he caused me a lot of pain. However he said the reason he stopped talking to me wasn’t the fight, it was because he saw my flaws and thought I was really annoying. However, right after saying that he asked me to comfort him and to come to his house the next day. I was worried about him so I did.

Our mutual friend was with us and the three of us had fun drinking together. The friend went home and I stayed at his house. I wasn’t expecting sex, he had just said he relied too much on women, but in the end that was what happened. Now the real problem comes in: technically I am a virgin. I cannot insert anything without a ton of pain so I work around it with mostly only doing foreplay. He tried to get inside me, which at first I didn’t mind because I was hoping maybe it would be ok this time. It hurt so much I was ready to cry and I told him to stop, but for a while he wouldn’t. He eventually did but everything he did was way too rough with me and he would ignore the pain I was in and eventually he would try again. It felt like it was only about his pleasure and none of mine. He wouldn’t even look at me or kiss me. He asked me to turn off the lights. I really don’t know what to make of it or what to do…do I talk to him about it? I know what he did was wrong but is it considered sexual assault? I’m feeling very lost here.

 

“My friend was grabbed forcefully”

Her friend and her brother disagree on how she should respond to being grabbed. What do you think?

MA says:

My friend was touched sexually two days before the year ended. They were alone in the biology room. She wasn’t being provocative, and no, she didn’t want it to happen. She was grabbed forcefully and asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I say she should’ve gone to the office, but now it’s probably too late for that. If she has a class with him, I say to get it changed, or at least that she should say something to her parents, so they can get a restraining order against him.

EM says:

I’m her brother. I think it’s best to just keep shut until he strikes again. Because what if one mistake ruins his life? It’s too late, anyway, and it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like he raped her.

“I don’t know if I was sexually assaulted, or if I cheated on my boyfriend”

I went out one night with my best friends and a newer guy friend who had been taking me and my boyfriend out on his boat. I met this guy though a mutual friend. He seemed likeĀ a pretty cool guy and seemed to be interested in one of my friends who was there.

The night had started out really fun. We went to a few places to get drinks and play games like ping pong, pool, corn hole. He spent a lot of time talking to my friend. By the end of the night, we ended back at the hotel we started off with for drinks. We weren’t in any position to drive, and I was extremely tired, so I said, “let’s just get a room.”

I have many guy friends, so I know how to share a space and sleep. Things don’t need to happen just because we’re in the same room or even bed. The night took a turn for the worst once we got up to the room, though. I remember plopping into bed and being ready to just pass out. Then I heard him and my friend making sounds. I could tell he was trying to get some action from her. I was on the end of the bed, my friend was in the middle, and he was on the opposite end. I couldn’t tell if she wanted what he was doing to her, but I remember at one point, I threw myself around her, as if I was spooning her from behind, and crossed my leg over her body, so he would hopefully stop and leave her alone. Continue reading