“My sexual behavior disgusts me”

I was intimate with a man in exchange for a favor. It’s been a few months, and ever since then I cannot stop thinking about how disgusted I am with him, and myself with making a bad decision that I had full control of.

The whole time with him that night in my head I did not want to comply. I never found him attractive and looking at him now is just the worst. That night I was making excuses to stop. And now I mentally feel screwed up.

“I love him but his eyelids disgust me”

We’ve been dating over a year and moved in together a couple months ago. We get along great, never fight, he is very attractive to me, we have great sex, we are emotionally open, have a lot of fun, and I honestly couldn’t get along better with a boyfriend if I tried.

But myy boyfriend has really noticeable veiny eyelids, and whenever he raises his eyebrows they show up like “Bam! Here I am!” I’ve started obsessing over the veins and hating to go in the daylight with him because I know when he raises his eyebrows his veins are gonna disgust me. I’ve tried ignoring them, tried to make them into something funny in my head, tried to trick myself into thinking they make him unique but I always go back to “ugh, I’m probably gonna have to stare at those forever if we stay together”.

But, I know that if I break up with him I’d lose a wonderful man. He’s so kind, smart, would do anything for me… and I feel like I’m being shallow and I don’t know what to do. I have told him about how I feel and he said “well there’s nothing I can do about those” and he’s right… So what do I do? I know most people will say “either get over it now or move on” but I can’t get myself to do either.