I met my husband through OkCupid a few years ago. I still have my profile up for a few reasons:

1. I have all the previous conversations between my husband and me when we were first getting to know each other archived. Every so often, I’ll get a bit nostalgic, log into my account, and re-read them. (Awwww.)
2. I enjoy taking some of the quizzes when I’m bored.
3. I’ve met a few friends on there, too.
4. I’d submitted a “success story” to the site after my husband and I were married, and it’s linked on my profile page; in a way, I guess I feel that it can serve as encouragement to daters out there that you CAN find love online.
5. There’s this hilarious letter some guy sent me a long time ago that I like to access whenever a “what NOT to say in an initial message” situation presents itself.

I’d like to note that a) I’m listed as married and looking for friends ONLY and b) one of my profile pics is of my husband and me on our wedding day. I make it very obvious in my profile that I am NOT interested in meeting anyone to date. However, this doesn’t stop some guys from sending me messages like “You are quite beautiful. I’d love to get to together if you’re interested. Let me know.” (actual message sent to me last week)

Or, I’ll get messages like this one (sent to me 2 weeks ago): “I guess I’m confused. One congrats on the marriage but why on you on here?” Do I need to justify myself when I get messages like that? I mean, it’s a free website, and I’m hardly ever on there anyway, unless it’s for one of the aforementioned reasons listed above. I know it’s a dating site, and I get that the majority of people on there are looking for dates/relationships. Is it weird to still have a profile when you’re married and NOT looking for extramarital affairs?

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There’s this guy that I’m head over heels in love with, but everyone around me is telling me he’s bad for me. My dad hates him, my best friend (a guy) absolutely loathes him, and all of my friends at school don’t seem to like him much either. When I’m with him, it’s like things are perfect. He’s charming and sexy and very chivalrous, but sometimes it seems like maybe he’s a tiny bit controlling.

He hates my best friend too, and every time I try to hang out with my friend he gets really upset. He tries to get me to stop hanging out with my friend (they have some weird jealousy issues), and the other night when he found out I was going to go visit my friend he did something to my car so that it wouldn’t start. He told me that he wasn’t going to let me go visit him, and that I was just going to have to deal with it.

He has to know where I am at all times or he freaks out, but I know he’s just acting this way because he cares about me and wants to make sure I’m safe. But sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right decision, since it seems like he’s a wedge between my friends and family and me.

I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, and I know we have something really special. When he’s not making me upset, things are perfect. I just don’t know what to do about my friends. I think the worst part about all of this is that he’s refusing to have sex with me or turn me into a vampire until I marry him.

During my days of online dating (like OKcupid and PletyofFish) there were plenty of occasions where someone would wink/poke/like/etc me and my profile. And that’s it. Nothing else.

With a simple click of a button I knew someone was interested in me but I was never sure if it was because they liked my picture(s), something I wrote or if they were simply trying to engage the Law of Averages and hope eventually one of the many “potentials” would write back to them.

It didn’t take long before I didn’t even bother showing any type of interest in them.

Winking/Poking/Liking/Etc. them back would serve no purpose other than an annoying volley back-and-forth.

Regardless of them being cute, or not, how do I know they don’t have a nervous twitch and accidentally clicked on my profile?

Why should I bother reading their profile, possibly wasting my time, if they didn’t even bother reading mine?

If you’re on a dating site you should be willing to write a small personal message to a person of interest. If you don’t have time at that particular moment bookmark their profile and come back to it later.

But put forth an effort. It got so bad that I occasionally sent sarcastic replies to them about how wonderful that took the time to categorize me like a generic brand of cereal found at Wal-Mart.

What are your standards regarding showing interest in someone when dating online? Are you guilty of not taking the time to write a personal message to someone you are interested in? If so, why? Are you a victim to the above situation plaguing the web? How do you deal with it?

So my boyfriend and I have never really been the type to use pet names but last week he came up with Monkey, and has been calling me that. I like Koala but he thinks Koalas are lame so he suggested Capybara. He also suggested Wombat or Nutria, so at first I thought he was kidding but he told me he wasn’t.

Capybaras are cute but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue. Is it bad that I don’t have a pet name for him? My boyfriend says that I can call him whatever I want but I think he likes capybara because he tried to ply me with all these cute Google images of them. I’m looking for an animal name that is cute and easy to say when cuddling. What do you guys think about my situation, and what are your pet names for your significant others?

I’ve been with my partner for about three years now. I still love him as much as I ever have, but we’re definitely past the honeymoon phase. We’re boring. We go out for dinner or a movie or something maybe once a week, but most evenings, we just plop together in front of the tv. And, our sex life is lazy too. How can we get the “spark” back? We can’t afford to go out much more than we already do, or take a whole bunch of trips, etc. Help, I don’t want to be bored in my relationship!

I think anyone who has even an ounce of social skills knows that when you first start dating someone, the last thing you want to do is come across as needy. That’s why books like The Rules (for women) and The Game (for men) were such hits. They teach people how to give off a non-needy vibe, because non-neediness is much more attractive.

One such example is to act like you don’t care if they call. Even if you’re secretly waiting by the phone for them to call you back, you obviously don’t want to let them know that. Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to get the subtle nuances of “not caring if they call.” A dead giveaway for me? When they leave a voicemail that ends with something to the effect of, “So, call me back when you get the chance. Or not. That’s fine, too.”

Really? It’s fine if I don’t call you back? I don’t know anyone who’s THAT nonchalant about it. No, if you call me, then you’re expecting me to call you back, right? Why would you not care? Or, more tellingly, why would you need to inform me that you don’t care?

No, explicitly telling me that you don’t care leads me to believe that you really DO care, but are just trying to hide it. You know what they say about actions being louder than words, right? If you really don’t care, if you really are aloof, then you don’t need to say it. Because you… just… don’t… care.

So, if you really want to sound nonchalant, just say, “Call me back when you get the chance.” And that’s it. No excuses, no qualifications. You expect a call. But if you don’t get one… well, you can’t even be bothered to consider that possibility, because you really don’t care.

That, to me, is what truly being “non-needy” is all about.

So, does anyone else have any dead giveaways about someone “caring to much”? Things that people say or do in an effort to come across as nonchalant, but really only reveal their underlying insecurities?

So I know “When will he ever propose?” topics are a dime a dozen on dating and relationship sites, but I’d still love to get some opinions. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over two years, and have lived together for one. (For the record, I am 24 and he is 26.) We get along well, the sex is good, I love being with him, and I feel like over the past year of living together, I am even more certain that this is the man I want to spend my life with. I know marriage is a big commitment, but I feel ready for it.

When we were in the more “getting to know you” phase of dating, we talked about life and marriage and living together. I told him that I think that 1-2 years is generally enough time to get to know whether you can see yourself with someone for the long haul, and he agreed. He said that (in the theoritical) he thought it was better to wait until you’re at least engaged before living together. He knows that I want to have kids (and my general timeline). After we had been dating for about 8 months, he got a promotion at work, and at the 1-year mark, we decided to move in together. I expected (based on our previous conversations) that he was thinking marriage, and that within a year, we’d be engaged.

Well…it’s been that year, and nothing’s happened. I know he is committed to me, but I want to make it official. I love him, I don’t want a life without him, I want to build our future together. I think he feels the same way, but he’s not doing the things he needs to do to make it happen! I’ve asked him if there are any reasons why he doesn’t want to get married and he says no…I’ve asked him if he’s waiting until some benchmark (like a certain amount of money in the bank, or when I finish my 2nd degree), and he says no…I’ve asked if it’s because he doesn’t want children, and he says no. And then when I ask those questions, he usually just gets smug and says I shouldn’t ask questions, or that he “loves teasing me” about it.

I don’t want to nag him, and I don’t want him to propose because he feels like I’ve put him up to it. I want him to WANT to marry me. I just don’t know how to proceed. I hate feeling like I’m waiting and that it’s all up to him. I get frustrated that he expects me to go to numerous family functions with him, keep house, cook, etc like I’m his wife, without giving me the actual title. It makes me worry that I am more committed to him than he is me, or at least, that he’s more ambivalent about it.

Do you have any suggestions? Tips on how I should talk about it with him? Insights that I’m not seeing?

I’ve been dating a guy for about five months, and everything is going really well. However, I recently found out that he’s going to be moving almost 1000 miles away in a few months because of his work and will need to be there for at least 18 months. He says he sees a future for us (and I agree), so he’d like to stay committed to one another while he’s away, but I’m not sure if it’s feasible given the short amount of time that we’ve been together and the significant distance.

What makes for a successful long-distance relationship?

I am single but really want to be in a relationship. The problem is, I have no idea how to meet new people. Going to bars hasn’t worked, all of my friends are married and seem to have nothing but married or otherwise unavailable friends, and there isn’t even anyone at work that I would remotely consider getting involved with. I am open to meeting people online, but just can’t figure out which sites are the best ones to meet people who will have similar interests and similar relationship goals. I am in my mid-thirties and the clock is ticking! Any advice out there?