All right. This one’s a long story.

I was dating a girl, let’s call her M, four years ago. I dated her for about 9 months, and it ended a little less than a year before I started dating the girl I am with now. Well call her Emily because that’s her real name, I’m not ashamed of being with her, and I won’t be saying negative things about her like I will M.

Now, some of you may have gotten some of this from advice I’ve given on other blurbs, but M was (unbeknownst to me) cheating on me (sex, not just kissing) throughout the entirety of our relationship. At about the 5 month mark, I caught her in a lie about where she’d been on one particular night, and she admitted to sleeping with someone else. I forgave her, stupidly, but I was young and naive.

Anyway, like I said, I forgave her. And at 9 months I caught her in another lie, and she admitted to sleeping with one of my best friends– sort of. She claimed that he raped her. Se was very, very convincing about this. She called the police, there was an investigation, so on and so forth.

They determined that she wasn’t raped (in that it was consensual sex, not that he had never had sex with her), I broke it off with her, and my friend and I never spoke again (although I tried to make amends). Whatever. He clearly wasn’t a good friend anyway if he could do that to me.

But now, even though I am very happy in my relationship, I can’t help but check M’s facebook every now and then. (Her profile isn’t private, in case any of you though we were friends on there). And from what I can understand, she is very happy, engaged, so on and so forth.

This just eats me up inside. It’s not that I want to be with her. It’s quite the opposite actually. I hate her and want her to me miserable. And it hurts to see that she isn’t.

Is that normal? And how do I go about getting over it? I don’t like feeling this way.

When I was 22, I was dating a 24 year old who one night came home and casually announced that she played a “fun and innocent…you know!” game of spin the bottle with some friends and acquaintances earlier in the evening. Somewhat perplexed by her tone I asked her what she meant.

She looked a little confused and said , “Oh, it’s this game where you sit in a circle and…”

I respectfully interrupted her and assured her that I was well aware of how the game was played, as I had once been 13 years old myself, though not 24. So I clarified, “I’m asking if you kissed someone tonight?”

She laughed, “Of course babe, that’s how you play the game…duh!” (Verbatim) And with that she plonked herself in front of the TV.

Not wanting to ruin her viewing experience, I sidled up behind her and asked in as non obtrusive way as a I could, “Um, did you just admit to cheating on me?”

There was a brief silence and then the TV switched off and she turned around and said “What the hell are you talking about?”

And so began one of the most bizarre conversations I’ve ever had in my life. Essentially, in her sphere of existence, making out (yes, it was more than just a peck on the lips, though that shouldn’t really matter) with 2 guys and a girl within the context of a game of spin the bottle in no way constituted a breach of trust and in my sphere of existence it very much did. I would like to say that the relationship ended that night but it didn’t. I was 22 and smitten, and she was…well, you know how it sometimes goes. But though the relationship didn’t end right then, my confidence was shaken, both in terms of her and in myself and my understanding of the universe. Yup, she had somewhat convinced me that I was crazy for feeling the way I did and when we did finally break up it stuck with me.

Now maybe some/most of you are reading this and are in complete agreement with her, fair enough, but the reason for my long winded intro is this.

About 3 months ago my now ex girlfriend started sobbing as we were watching a movie one night…and confessed that she had slept with someone else. There were no excuses, no blame games…simply a beautiful woman asking for forgiveness. I gave it (not instantaneously) but couldn’t stay in the relationship. And though she never tried to excuse what had happened every time she tried to explain that it didn’t mean anything I couldn’t bear to hear it. I’d let her talk but inside I felt like my world was crumbling and I was falling down a hole. I quite literally had that feeling you get on a rollercoaster when it drops.

I apologised for anything I did that contributed to her doing it because I know there are always two sides of a story. She told me I didn’t do anything, it was just a drunken moment…etc. I want to believe her.

My question is, can one forgive and forget? Or should one? Am I crazy for not being able to see past it? Hell, I miss her.

Here’s a moral conundrum for you guys:

At some point in a relationship, the two of you will participate in a competitive activity of some sort. From my personal experience with my girlfriends, that includes bowling, pool, and video games.

Now, some men feel like they have to let the girl win. Some women find this offensive or insulting. Some just play, and whoever wins, wins. Some women like this, but others get mad if they lose. Others fall into the “win at all costs” category.

My girlfriend and I are extremely competitive, and often fall into the last of those three groups. She would find it extremely insulting if I felt like I had to let her win at anything. She would rather be utterly destroyed at whatever we are doing than not win entirely because of her own effort and skill.

But what do you guys think? Are some relationships different? Do some women get mad if their men don’t let them win? (I’ve never had the displeasure to experience that, thank god).

Discuss.

Okay, here’s the deal. I met a guy on Match. Our first date went great, and we followed that up with two more wonderful dates over the next week. And before you say that maybe I only thought he had a great time, he agreed that we did.

But then, he had to go out of town. And after that, I got sick. So, fast forward three weeks… we finally went out again… and we had a good time again… and even though it might of been too soon… we were shall we say, intimate.

But with all this being said, I noticed that he was still active on Match the whole time that we’ve been dating. (I didn’t stalk him or anything… Match tells you this how recent a person was active on the site). At first, I was only checking my own account half-heartedly, but as he continued checking his, I started checking mine more. I figured I had to keep busy if his intent was to continue dating other people.

Finally, I brought it up and asked him what his intentions were. I did it in as non-confrontational a way as possible. I told him, if you’re still meeting other people, I might as well, too. He responded that I should do what I felt was right.

We then agreed that being intimate with more than one person at a time was wrong. But he still added that we do not know each other well enough yet to stop meeting other people. Otherwise, we could miss out on the “right” person.

Now here’s my question… after 4 dates and extensive talking, how much shopping does he need to do before he figures he should become vested and try for a relationship? Is he just keeping me around for sex and company until something better comes along? Or am I over-thinking things?

Now, I’m not just talking about simple opposite-sex friendships. I think those are great. I’m talking about opposite-sex *best* friends (assuming both parties are straight), which I’m starting to feel is… well, sketchy.

As I get older, I find myself learning to be less judgmental of people, but this is one area where I find myself actually becoming *more* judgmental. I’ve just never come across an instance of opposite-sex best friends where one party didn’t have romantic ulterior motives, or wasn’t secretly in love, but just didn’t realize it. I mean, shit, this is the stuff that rom coms are made of.

And the more one or more parties of the friendship tout each other as being “best friends,” the more skeptical I get. It seems like, in these cases, Person A is romantically interested in Person B, and Person B adores Person A back and loves spending time with them, but then, Person B is actually using the “best friend” line to make it perfectly clear that that’s *all* they’ll ever be. In that way, it’s not actually a term of endearment. It’s drawing an uncrossable line.

Of course, I can’t rule out the possibility that somewhere out there, there’s a guy and a girl who did become and stay best friends due to some circumstance I haven’t anticipated, but… just from what I’ve seen and experienced, I can categorically state that I no longer believe in opposite-sex best friends. At least, not without a lot of suspicions and skepticism.

Anyone who has lived with a member of the opposite sex has encountered the eternal “feud” of the dreaded Toilet Seat Position.

Leave it up? Or put if down?

The common argument is that after a man has done his business he should put the seat down so the woman would not have to worry about splashing her bottom should nature decide to call without much of a heads up.

Some men (and maybe some women) will argue that the seat should simply be left in the position it was in during the most recent bathroom occupancy.

Male extremists will argue that woman should lift it up for the man to avoid the instance of an urgent call from nature resulting in the risk of dripping on the seat.

Is it simply just a gesture of common courtesy? Is this “rule” out-of-date in an equality of the sexes society? Does leaving the seat (in any position) merit either sex getting upset and potentially starting an argument?

What are your thoughts/comments/arguments?

*I figured it would be entertaining to have a fun gender debate in contrast to some of the more serious toned items on the site*

So, my friends are giving me unsolicited advice. My boyfriend and I are 20 and we’re each other’s first relationship. My friends keep telling me to go out and experience other people, that I’m missing out. Of course if I’m not dating other people, I’m missing out on other people but there’s nothing wrong with our relationship. In fact it’s pretty good. I occasionally vent to them about my boyfriend doing something stupid or unthoughtful once in a while, but I’m not ragging on him or anything.

I’m pretty happy, but since we’re each other’s first relationship does that mean we’re going to have a lot of problems down the road because of it? I thought, we’re happy, got good communication, no problem, but my friends and the occasional relative are like, “You’re missing out on the best years of your life.” It kind of bothers me that they think that. Also that people equate best years of your life = sleeping with lots of different people.

(Sorry this is so long…)

I’m not a hermit, I’m not ignoring my friends (I go out with them pretty frequently), I’ve got hobbies and interests of my own, and I have career ambitions. What do you guys think, am I doomed?

Edit: And to clarify, it’s not all of my friends. Realized I made it seem that way. Just a few.

A recent blurb got me thinking…

What are the recurring issues you have with your significant other? I figure every relationship has them, but I’d like to know which ones are important, which ones you’ve given up on, and which ones you have no idea what to do about?

For example, Q and I used to always get into it about communication. He’s really bad about calling me and letting me know he’s staying out later than planned with the boys. That’s one I’ve given up on. I used to be really insecure, but then one day I realized that I trusted him and that I knew where he was. So it was no big deal.

One that still gets me is his overall tidiness. He doesn’t pick up after himself… he leaves socks in the recliner, beer bottles on the window ledge, boxers behind the bathroom door, etc. I’ve finally gotten him to rinse his dishes instead of leaving them to fester… but I still harp on him about the house.

So what are the issues in your relationship? And what do you do about them?

I have a wonderful hubby. He is the world to me. But we always have the same “fight.” We get so caught up in our daily lives, that he doesn’t make the time to ask me out on dates or do anything romantic. I am not the person who needs anything too pricey, but I do need the idea of a date with my husband. I want to feel like we are still in love and we aren’t just friends. I have brought it up in so many ways and every time it gets better for a few months and then it’s back to the beginning again. I have yelled, cried, been rational, written notes. I have tried so many times, but it never sticks with him. I am starting to feel like we might just have this fight over and over for the rest of our lives. He knows that this affects our relationship in so many ways(emotionally, physically, romantically), but he can’t seem to remember to put in this small effort to ask out his wife on a date!! What can I do? I hate feeling like I am going in circles with him!

Okay, I’m posting this for my cousin (who’s a guy):

So I have this girl I’ve been dating for a couple years now. I really love her, and I’m the first guy she’s ever dated, but she’s going through a rough time right now- her parents are arguing a lot and probably are getting a divorce so she’s basically put us on break. She and I still talk every day and hang out, but she doesn’t know what she wants and I don’t really know what to do. I can’t really date around, but I can’t touch her either and it’s frustrating. At this point my choice is basically to wait or not wait and I’m trying to just go with the flow. Is there anything specific I should be doing in this situation?

Also I really don’t want to tell my mom, she loves my girlfriend and thinks we’re going to be together forever.