So, my friends are giving me unsolicited advice. My boyfriend and I are 20 and we’re each other’s first relationship. My friends keep telling me to go out and experience other people, that I’m missing out. Of course if I’m not dating other people, I’m missing out on other people but there’s nothing wrong with our relationship. In fact it’s pretty good. I occasionally vent to them about my boyfriend doing something stupid or unthoughtful once in a while, but I’m not ragging on him or anything.
I’m pretty happy, but since we’re each other’s first relationship does that mean we’re going to have a lot of problems down the road because of it? I thought, we’re happy, got good communication, no problem, but my friends and the occasional relative are like, “You’re missing out on the best years of your life.” It kind of bothers me that they think that. Also that people equate best years of your life = sleeping with lots of different people.
(Sorry this is so long…)
I’m not a hermit, I’m not ignoring my friends (I go out with them pretty frequently), I’ve got hobbies and interests of my own, and I have career ambitions. What do you guys think, am I doomed?
Edit: And to clarify, it’s not all of my friends. Realized I made it seem that way. Just a few.
LemonVibe 
[My first boyfriend’s parents kept telling him “you’re missing out on having a life and enjoying college fully” when he and I were together. They really were trying to say “we don’t like her, you need to break up with her” but they disguised it as concern about “living his life” etc. Something to think about.
You’re not necessarily doomed just because you’ve only dated each other. But in general, it’s best to get some different experiences (life/friendships/dating/sexual) before you can definitively say “yes, this is the person I want to spend my life with.”
From your post, it seems like you guys are on the right track. As long as you’re not sacrificing anything to be in your relationship, I say just go with it for now. If you break up in a year then you break up. If you don’t have any problems and end up getting married, that’s fine too. You can’t worry to much about what could happen. If you’re enjoying yourself and feel satisfied and respected in your relationship, and your life has a good balance, then you’re fine. Just stop worrying.
Now, if you’re worried that you really ARE missing out on things, and are thinking you might eventually regret not “living” more, then maybe you should take a break from your relationship. You should never have to live with regrets, especially when you could have done something to change it.
Do you think you’d regret ending your relationship MORE than you’d regret not experiencing other things? You need to do what you WANT to do. That’s the biggest thing. If you WANT to stay with your boyfriend, then you should. If things end up not working out, at least you can say you were happy with the decision you made when you made it.
[I don’t think you are doomed. There are plenty of relationships that start out young and flourish and grow into relationships that last a lifetime. If you are happy in your relationship, stay in it. Don’t listen to friends and family who are telling about fun you MIGHT have if you end your relationship. It would be different if you personally felt that you were missing out and felt trapped in your relationship, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s just others who are saying this to you.
However, it’s possible that your relationship won’t last either. But if you have an active life outside of your relationship, then I feel you aren’t missing any key part of your early 20’s. As long as you’re happy and enjoying life, that’s all that matters!
[One of my best friends’ parents told him the same thing about his girlfriend, “Don’t be so quick to settle down!” I think they’re thinking from the perspective that a long term relationship means the fast track to kids, mortgages and responsibility. They mean well and just want to make sure you enjoy your 20s. The flipside is totally what Erica said, that they think he’s no good for you and they want you to break up. If you were spending time only with him and changing your major for him–this actually happened to someone I know and then his girlfriend broke up with him 2 years later–then I’d say you were in trouble. But you guys sound like you’re doing okay.
I think as long as you’re satisfied with your relationship and you’re not making him *the most important thing in your life,* then keep on keeping on. Don’t worry too much about the future; I think that’s a quick way to kill blossoming relationships.
[No, you’re not necessarily doomed. But statistically, you are. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re each other’s first relationships. It has more to do with your age. Relationships that begin before the age of 25 are twice as likely to fail… which sucks, but doesn’t make it any less true.
I wouldn’t take their advice at face value and automatically assume you’re doomed. Because getting into that mindset is what WILL doom you. But do be wary. Don’t assume that this is the only path for you. Don’t immediately discount any other feelings you have, because it WOULD be good to experience other people for a while. But that doesn’t mean I’m telling you to go out and sleep with everyone you find. It just means this guy may not be the pinnacle of your love life…
[We’re all doomed. Don’t you remember what year it is?
[Outside opinions are always going to be given when it comes to relationships but the important thing to remember is that they are OUTSIDE opinions. These people are not in this relationship…you and your boyfriend are.
Your friends are probably going to be the most critical about who you choose to date. You can listen to what they have to say but in the end it is absolutely, 100% your choice what to do. They need to respect your choice to be with this guy and back off if you ask them to.
Dennis said it perfectly, the grass may look greener…but is it really? Recognize what you have now…not at what could be.
If you two want to be together then be together. If it works out…excellent! One of my best friends actually ended up marrying his first girlfriend, and they also have a kid now. Sure, the relationship has been rocky here and there (what relationship isn’t) but I saw them just this last year and they are still happy and make a great family.
Though I agree with Resullins about statistics, I always like to say that there is always the other end to statistics as well. Say 70% of relationships fail that begin before age 25 there is always that other 30%. That 30% could be the success rate.
[But seriously (and to sort of elaborate on what Erica was saying), if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. It used to be that whenever I was single, I’d reminisce about being in a relationship. And whenever I was in a relationship, I’d reminisce about being single.
My suggestion? Just squelch that instinct. If you’re happy with what you have, learn to accept that, and stop wondering what might have been, or what might be. Because that can only lead to poor decisions. And certainly don’t let others wonder what might have been or what might be on your behalf.
[You are only missing out on things if YOU feel like you’re truly missing out on things. “Things” is very broad… it sounds like you know you’re happy and want to find a way to get your friends to just mind their own business. I’d talk to the few with these concerns and simply tell them what you told us: that you are both very happy, you feel fulfilled in your relationship, and you are going to proceed with that as long as you continue to feel that way. And add that, as your friends, they should really be supporting your decision, even if they may disagree with it.
[I’m sure you have heard the saying.”If it ain’t broken, then don’t fix it.” If you are happy, then I say stay with him. YOU are the one who defines what the best years of your life will include. I spent a majority of my younger years with one guy and you know what that gave me that my other friends didn’t have? Some stability! We enjoyed things together and we shared young experiences. Sure, I could have dated a bunch of guys, but that doesn’t exactly mean I would have enjoyed my younger years more than I did. You define what your happiness is. If you feel that you are missing out on dating other guys and experiencing relationships, then move on. But it sounds like you are happy, so if it’s not broken…
Also, consider that your friends might be a little bit jealous that you have a stable and happy relationship, while they end up dealing with tons of drama while dating around! Just sayin’!