I’m a Junior in college, I really messed up my second semester freshman year, and failed three classes. I pretty much learned my lesson and haven’t had anything below a 3.3 GPA after the fact, and even got a 3.73 my last semester. Which, by the way, is incredibly good for me because I never tried very hard in school. I’m not dumb or stupid, I’m just very lazy when it comes to school work. However, I’ve worked really hard the last couple semesters but this semester is really getting to me even though it’s not very difficult. I’m the opposite of a motivated person when it comes to schoolwork. I’ll work my job and work my ass off but when it comes to school work, my mind just refuses to let me focus.I’ve found myself procrastinating to the last second (which is kinda normal) and then sometimes even for big assignments, I’ll just blow it off and tell myself I’ll do the next one and be fine. I know in my head though that it’s not fine, and there’s going to be consequences, but it’s almost like I don’t really care, even though I want to. I hope that makes sense?
I had to drop one of my 4 credit classes because I didn’t do half the work (this is an online class). I’ve done online classes that were more difficult and done all the work. Something just seems off and it’s throwing my mind out of whack. Perhaps I’m just growing tired of my school and I feel like I have to stay here because I’ve already been here so long…
I also play volleyball for the team at my school and have been the starting middle hitter since my freshman year. The team is not even great, but I feel like it’s one of the only things that keeps me at this school. I feel like if I didn’t have volleyball, I wouldn’t even be going to school at this point. I really just want to get college over with, but the longer I stay, the deeper the hole I dig for myself. I’m almost positive at this point that I’ll have to stay at least an extra semester (including taking a couple summer classes).
If I don’t finish school though, I’ll not only disappoint other people but I’ll hold it over my own head forever. I’ve heard so many of the common things people say in response to me not wanting to be in school anymore. But still I reach out anonymously online, hoping someone has some magic sentence or word that can free me from my goddamned mindset. Any words to maybe help clear my head a bit?