“What happened to the chemistry we had?”

I come from a fairly conservative household. I met “M” on POF and quickly discovered we had ties. Since I lived in an area where there were a lot of us of the same culture, his family and my family had a distant friendship.

He said he was looking for marriage, as was I. We hit it off and started speaking on Whatsapp. Soon after he began to tell me how God answered his prayers sending me, how we meshed so well and how he could not wait to take me home.
We both also enjoy out of the norm activities. We have tattoos, smoke and drink. Things were going well until we started planning the first date. “M” claims I am out of his league. He is morbidly obese, has a great career, and to me had a great personality. I once was overweight, lost the majority..but you can say I still have a fat complex. I also am VERY non judgmental, looks are always a plus.

Because of this I feel like “M” thinks I have malicious intentions. That there is no way a girl like me can be interested in him. He would feel insecure with me going out, concerned about what I was wearing, who I was going with and who I would meet. He could not stand hearing about other guys and just felt so unmotivated to make an effort towards me. It was like pulling teeth to get him out of his house and see him.

He mentioned to me that his ex used him. That they were together since HS and that she is now married. For some context, I am 26 and he is 32. Because of this he feels like he has no trust in anything or anyone and it is started to effect me. I feel like we fight everyday. I can’t disagree with him because it blows over, he loves name calling and I feel like he can’t wait to have the upper jab.

A list of some of the things that has happened between us:
-Started talking and 4 days after got into a disagreement over the restaurant we were going to. Didn’t end up going on date.
-Rescheduled the date, got into an argument the day before because he didn’t want to tell me that he wanted to go somewhere else, date canceled
-Kept on speaking but a couple of days after went no contact for 2 days
-He then claimed he had no idea what he was looking for. Said he wanted to be friends and keep speaking to me.
-As friends he told me NOT to mention any other men and still insisted on knowing my whereabouts.
-Every time we fight he usually gives me the silent treatment
-Insists on speaking on Whatsapp and I think it’s to know what time I am online and how often

At this point we are at full NO CONTACT because after all of the bickering and fighting I have decided to end the BS. I get private calls sometimes.

I am just wondering what happened?

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One thought on ““What happened to the chemistry we had?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Don’t waste any more time on him. He wants to break up and not be the bad guy and his treatment will go worse from here to make you leave. You should. You deserve better than this. You aren’t responsible for his insecurities and still tried to help him. A licensed professional might be able to, but you will not. Move on to a man who will treat you better and appreciate you more.

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