“I don’t know how to let go and be happy”

I have a sort of uncomfortable situation that I need advice on.

There’s this girl that I have been friends for a few years. We started with mutual feelings for each other. However, it didn’t progress since she ran off with another guy when I was with her one time and she also had unresolved feelings at the time.

It turns out that she has a personality disorder and can be unstable at times. I’m not perfect either, I have post trauma and been diagnosed with severe depression a few times in my life. I can admit that I’m a bit intense as well and not always easy to deal with.
Since we both had some issues, we became really close as friends. She is very supportive towards my future and her family has also been there for me. We’ve had great times and been there for each other our worst, which brought us even closer.

Up until now, she has been single so it was easy to be friends with her without bringing up old feelings or feeling jealous. Recently she has been with a few guys and came back to me after that when it didn’t work out.

Admittedly, its quite awkward since I’ve always loved her and the feelings never left me. When I had asked her about “us” its always that someone else is in the picture, or that she isn’t “ready” for something serious.

I’m just so tired of picking up the pieces of someone I care so deeply, and being depended on when it revitalizes my emotions for her, but then when I tell her about what’s happening I get shot down. It’s been happening often recently that I’m thinking of just leaving her.

It’s horrible to think that, because we’ve had such good times together. No other friend has really invested so much time in me, and I’m afraid that doing this will damage her and maybe damage myself as well.

I don’t know how to let go and be happy, without someone getting hurt. I need advice.

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